Talking to kids in a way they’ll listen can be hard. Over years of trying, I’ve found these strategies. It’s a work in progress, always, but practice makes practice.
It’s easy to default to the “Don’ts!”
It’s reactionary. What I TRY to do (not always successfully) is say the behavior I WANT to see. Instead of, “Don’t stand on the couch,” I try and say, “Feet on the floor.” It gives a clear direction of the expectation.
It’s easy to lapse into validation.
It’s what I often seek myself. What I TRY to do (again working on habit-making) is say what I see outside of my praise. Instead of, “Good Job!” I try and say, “Look what you did!” It gives a sense of personal accomplishment outside of anyone else.
It’s easy to snap.
This is especially true when I’m feeling drained or underappreciated. When able, I stop, lower my voice and say, “I’m calm.” It stops me from a spiral of continued yelling. Did I already start to yell? Probably. Going forward, I have the power to change future behavior and try again next time.
Motherhood is a work in progress and I don’t have it figured out. But along the way, I’ve found a few things helpful in my approach to speaking with my littles. I hope this is helpful to you as well.
