What I really want to write in your baby shower card…

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Instead of “Congrats! You guys will make great parents!” or “So thrilled for your new bundle of joy!” or stale advice, how about we write what that mom-to-be needs to hear?

I’ve talked to several girlfriends about this:

Right before you have a baby, you rationally and consciously know that:

“Your life is about to change forever!”

“You’ll experience a love you’ve never felt!”

“It’s going to be a challenge but its worth it.” 

You totally think you get it and you’re ready to bring it on!

While you, a mom already, don’t want to essentially scare the living daylights out of your bestie who is 37 weeks pregnant, you also feel like you need to let her in on a few key tips. Eh? You thought your maternity leave would be yours, or that breastfeeding is natural and you’ll just figure it out…the list goes on.  I typically write a fairly PC, nice baby shower card and also include a way in-depth, super gory, detailed account of some things that will happen and some tips to help. No topic is off-limits and the document is to be kept private and not read aloud at the shower.

Here are some of the tips I’d like to write: 

1. It is WAY (curse word) harder than you (curse word) thought humanly possible.

2. Your nipples will never be the same, and you’ll lose a lot of feeling in them. You’ll mourn that for about a year, and then you figure out you couldn’t care less, at all.  Here is the ONE nursing must have you can’t go without.

3. You’ll likely have scar tissue formation in the walls of your who-ha. Sex is NOT an option for way longer than you think, that’s normal, don’t sweat it. (Read this, then email me with questions.) 

4. You and your significant other are on the SAME TEAM. DO NOT KEEP SCORE if you want to keep that relationship. Can’t stress this one enough.

5. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is SUCH a cute idea.

6. You may blackout for a few months and not remember much about the details. Seriously, sleep deprivation has a serious impact on memory. So when they say take lots of pictures, videos, and write things down, DO IT. You’ll only have glimpses of labor, delivery, and possibly the first four months (like me).

7. Your maternity leave is NOT yours. You won’t have time to do 90-95% of what you imagined. You won’t get to read that book. I think I had six on my list to plow through on maternity leave and ditched all of them in favor of baby books, nursing books, Dr. Google, and naps. Definitely naps.

8. You’ll love your OWN parents 10 times more than you did pre-baby. You didn’t know that was possible! This was a beautiful gift that my child gave me, and I cherish it every day!

9. You’ll respect the crap out of your girlfriends who are already moms, you’ll feel like a freaking terrible friend and person that you weren’t there for them like they are for you, you’ll vow to visit every one in the hospital and cry with them, help them at home by watching baby and making food so they can get in the sitz bath again, and check in on them way more often.

10. If you think about how truly and deeply this new human and relationship rocks your world and how hard you love them, you’ll break into the deepest sobs and ugly cries and feel emotions that remind you of what LIFE truly feels like in its most raw and open form.  This is what it’s all about.

Any others to add to the list? Be specific!

But for real, if you want my full list – there are too many curse words and details that would likely get censored, I’ll email you the document if you’re ready for some detailed tips. Happy to share!  

xoxo,

Kate

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I’m the most extroverted introvert you’ll ever met. I’m happiest curled up reading and not talking to anyone. But, find immense reward in taking BOLD chances. My background is as a physician - I am a hardcore science nerd, spending my former years attending medical school and being all things “doctor.” Then I traveled the country with my husband being an official baseball wife - which is hilariously not glamorous. Once back in Dayton, spent a few years as a personal trainer working with clients suffering from cancer, chronic illness, and the “I can’t do it syndrome.” In 2014 I co-founded Kate’s Plate, which is a healthy cooking service here to transform lives and the way we do family dinner. Also, I am the ‘CEO’ of Beyond The Game Sports Training, my hubby’s sports facility, and teach healthy cooking classes at Dororthy Lane Market’s Culinary Center. I very much struggle to switch modes from balls-out entrepreneur to gentle mommy mode on the daily. My son, Cooper, is 1 and a spitting image of his father, Jeff. He is obsessed with his grandpa and has the darndest little smirk. Jeff and I are Centerville natives, and came back here to plant our roots and give back to the place who made us who we are today. Random facts: I hate to shop, I eat a lot of butter, I'm a hippie at heart, I’ve taken flying lessons, I don’t watch TV or do Pinterest (gasp!!) Favorite things about being motherhood: Nursing (calorie burning bonus, hello!), watching daddy make the kid laugh so hard he can barely breathe, and the way the moments of parenting bring me back down to earth, back to the here and now

4 COMMENTS

  1. Love this post Kate, it’s open and honest!! It just hammers home the importance of having or hiring postpartum help. When you surround yourself with people who can assist you and empower you after your baby is born #1 and #7 don’t have to ring true. Thank you for sharing your heart 🙂

    • You are so right! Support and learning from others is key, its often not the way it works out these days. Maybe another tip is – when people ask “How are you? What can I do to help?” You answer them honestly and give them specifics that would seriously help. People like helping – but when you pacify the conversation and say ‘oh, I’m fine and no need to do anything..’ that doesn’t work.

      ACCEPT the help mamas!! This in fact was and still is the hardest thing for me to do…I cringe just thinking about it (which means I need to do it more). 🙂

  2. I always felt guilty laying around with my newborn all day when on maternity leave. I felt like I needed to be doing something all of the time to justify my being home to myself. In retrospect I shouldn’t have carried that guilt. They grow up so quick and that cuddle time becomes less and less everyday. So my advice is, take all the cuddles you can get. The laundry will still be there tomorrow, but the cuddles don’t last forever.

    • The laundry. Oh the laundry. Like this new human is so stinking small….how in the world is there so much laundry? That is a fabulous task to outsource to a friend or relative who wants to help. That’s if you don’t mind then messing with your leaked on nursing tops, or night sweat Jammie, or the ole granny panties. No shame in my game!!

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