Stepmom Anxiety is Real {Ways to Cope}

0

You guys, I am genuinely sitting here with silent tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this. I promised that my posts would be genuine and give all the mamas a place to know they are not alone in their feelings and their struggles. Stepmom anxiety is real.

What is stepmom anxiety, you may ask?

stepmom

It is an overgeneralized name for the feelings I experience before we “transition” (this is the term we use to describe when our kids are coming/leaving our home) in my house. Why? Because the dynamic of my house is about to shift and the responsibility increases. I feel the mom burden increases tenfold and immediately feelings of panic set in. This is my current reality….so why can my brain not just accept this and cope?

Change is difficult for me (and so many other mamas out there, right?) because it causes me to feel like things are no longer under my control. When kids are transitioning in and out of your house, no matter how routine this becomes, it is still a change. That change disrupts the perception of order and balance that we as moms so delicately craft within the walls of our homes. I can tell you that just realizing what is happening and identifying when and why I feel this way isn’t enough to change it. So what is? First, I think it is important to dive into what causes this anxiety at a deeper, emotional level.

One of the things that cause this anxiety for me is the all-too-familiar mom feeling of….am I enough? Do I have enough love and time and attention to give to all of my children, including my stepchildren? Of course you do. But the little monster known as self-doubt creeps in and makes you think that maybe you don’t. Maybe you haven’t given your bio children enough attention or praise or one-on-one time this week and how dare you now add more kiddos into the mix who demand your time.

Or maybe that self-doubt monster tells you that your stepchildren don’t love you the same way they love their bio mom and dad and therefore you feel like an outsider. The worst of all self-doubt monsters? The big ugly hopeless one who convinces you that you simply don’t measure up. You can never be enough, therefore why even try? If any of you stepmamas out there struggle with these doubts and fears, please know I am right there with you girl.

I know that God put my stepdaughters in my life for a reason, and I also know that he chose me, by hand, to be their bonus mom. That doesn’t mean that it is easy. You always hear people joke about a new baby not coming with instructions. The same rings true with blending a family. There is no user manual. There is no “best practices” guide. There is never-ending compromise, understanding, acceptance, and love.

So how can we change these feelings of stepmom anxiety and self-doubt during transition periods with our stepkiddos? I don’t know that we can change these feelings but what we can do is be mindful of them and acknowledge them as fleeting, not permanent. When practicing mindfulness, it is often stated that feelings come and go like the weather. What this means is that we cannot control our feelings, but we can find solace in knowing they are not permanent. So breathe mama. Allow those negative feelings to roll out quickly like a summer rain shower. Know that you are enough, you have enough love, and most importantly – you are not alone. You have this stepmama, right there with you.