Don’t worry this post isn’t about you, it isn’t completely about me either. It’s about the solution I use when we are elbow-deep at a tough doctor’s appointment or in the middle of a blind rage meltdown. I always turn to the same solution. I pull out my phone. Now before you judge me too harshly, hear me out.
It’s only because my kids are incredibly vain.
Okay, now you can judge me.
Just know, your kids are probably vain too. Don’t worry, it’s not a character flaw. It is developmentally appropriate for kids to be self-centered and the best part is that you can use it to your advantage in hard situations. In those moments when we need to get through to them with a distraction or change of mindset, I show my kids videos of themselves… and they love it.
Different videos satisfy different needs in each of my little vain munchkins. My 4-year-old loves any video of himself, it doesn’t matter what he is doing. My 6-year-old loves videos that I take when he is lost in imaginative play. My 8-year-old will crack a smile at videos of himself accomplishing something at any age: his first steps as a baby, his first time riding a bike, his first flip, even spelling a hard word or solving a math problem.
All three of them need these little portals to happier moments at different times.
The 4-year-old needs encouragement and distraction at doctors appointments or therapies. The videos help alleviate pain or frustration when things are hard. My 6-year-old needs a video teleport when he is having a rough day listening or transitioning. He may be tired or hungry, you name it, and he is in the middle of an all outrage battle that I can’t crack, but the videos take him back to that play moment getting him to break the stubbornness long enough for me to communicate with him. Our 8-year-old mainly needs it when social situations from school have him down or confused and he isn’t ready to completely talk about it. The videos seem to loosen him up and take his brain out of his heart and process it cleanly, out loud with me.
Discovering this vanity in them and seeing how it gives them a sense of pride which helps them keep moving when it’s difficult, led me to try it as well. When the volume of my anxiety gets a little too loud for me to hear through, I remind myself of something that I have done well, through pictures or reading my journal. Or, I go do something that I feel I can do well. I have discovered that it helps to re-center me and turn my anxiety volume back down to a functioning level.
Even though vanity carries a negative stigma with it and it’s not something we typically hope our kids possess, the dictionary lists it as synonymous with self-love. And we can all benefit with a little more self-love. So, encourage a little vanity in your kids and it might help you over some obstacles, as well.
