Sneaky Grief

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It comes at the most random times.

In a smell that takes me back to a different time, it sneaks up on me.

In a place that evokes memories, it sneaks up on me.

In a phrase that comes out of my mouth, it sneaks up on me.

In a way I react to a situation, it sneaks up on me.

At a party for my future daughter-in-law, it sneaks up on me.

When I am hurt by another’s words and would love to sit and talk, it sneaks up on me.

At my son’s college graduation, it sneaks up on me.

It comes at the most random times.

My mom died in 2017, and my life has never been the same.

sneaky grief

The grief, oh that grief sure is sneaky. I never quite know when I will burst into tears and grieve where I sob loudly like I did when I was a child. It comes out of the blue, the raw emotion and the sense of loss I feel. It is deep and it hurts. It is sneaky.

I recently threw a bridal tea for my future daughter-in-law, and out of nowhere, it hit me, if my mom were alive she would have helped me and been standing right next to me as we welcomed the guests. My sweet daughter-in-law’s mother asked who had helped me with the shower, and I said I did it myself and then stated, that my mom was dead so she couldn’t help me. I know it sounded bizarre and very blunt (thank you mom for that trait you passed onto me). At that very moment, I began to cry and weep; grief had snuck in and taken hold of me in that very moment.

That sneaky grief is hard, there is no way to prepare you for it, and well I guess that is grief. So if you see me smelling the air and knowing I smell White Shoulders… that is grief.

If you see me at Bill’s donuts eating a cream horn, tears streaming down my face… that is grief.

If you ask me a question and I say sharply, “Does a bear have hair?”…. that is grief.

If you don’t speak the truth and I challenge you (just like my mom)… that is grief.

When I feel like I’ve been attacked and go grab a cup of tea and sit alone… that is grief

When my son gets married and I stare off in the distance thinking…. that is grief.

Grief looks different for every single person, and it is real.

I can’t explain it, the day or the time, but it is sneaky. This sneaky grief of mine brings memories of a person that I miss and that lives on in me, so bear with me, this heart is still healing.

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Cheryl Brackemyre
Hey local mommas! I grew up in Centerville, but I now live in Wilmington with my husband Tony. Together we have 6 kids, Joe, and his wife Allison, Austin, and his wife Hannah, Sydney and her husband Hayden, Andrew and his wife Lauren and our littles, Max and Eli. Did I mention we are a little nuts starting over with this parenting thing when we are 45+? We are officially adding new titles to our names in 2022- Tiki and Jeep (our version of Grandma and Grandpa). My husband and I are both ministers, and we get to work together in a local church. We were both married before and brought our families together in 2010. After a few years of marriage we felt God's leading for us to adopt. We added Max to our family in 2014 and Eli joined us in 2017, our quiver is officially full! Blending our family has been an adventure! Add some ex-spouses and two birth mommas and we have ourselves a crazy crew! Coffee is my love language. The beach is my happy place and I long to have my toes in the sand. I love being part of the team at Dayton Mom Collective.