Single Mom Christmas


I’m not sure if there are other single moms out there doing it by yourselves, but I wanted to let you know I’m here for you. I see you. This article is for all you beautiful Mammas.

I decided to celebrate all the accomplishments I’m achieving as a strong independent woman (don’t need no man) this Christmas.

Don’t forget to treat yourself and celebrate all the amazingness that is you.

single mom

  • I got the Christmas train set 95% operational (it turns on and moves about 3 inches before it gets derailed and stops working. Santa goes, “All aboard! Chugga, chugga, ***pppllt***” Very anti-climactic). But hey, I put it up by myself and I’m not an engineer. It is put together “good enough for government work,” as I say. Good enough for little kids to be entertained. It only took me two White Claws, one of which I spilled on the train set on accident. Hopefully, that doesn’t impact its functionality.
  • The kids will probably demolish this train set within two seconds of seeing it, especially since it was given to me by someone in my divorce support group and it’s about 30 years old. It’s one of those that is very finicky as far as having to have the wheels make contact with the track in a particular way so the electricity from the track will get to the wheels and start the train.
  • Hopefully having an electric train set that has electricity constantly running to the track won’t cause my house to somehow catch on fire. I feel like that’s one of those nostalgic toys that are not sold in stores anymore because they’re a safety hazard (jarts, anyone?)
  • I put up some blow-up decorations (badly). I got some extension cords and plugged them in inside the house. I stuffed the cords through the crack in the bottom of the door so they’d fit when I shut the door. I put stakes in the ground to anchor the decorations. I only inflate the snowman and baby polar bear when the kids are home (Because I mean, why do it at other times? Waste of electricity to me). Otherwise, it looks like my decorations are a melted snowman and a murdered, deflated baby polar bear. What says “Merry Christmas” better than that?
  • My mom gave me a small tree that is about 2 feet tall. It’s completely assembled on its own and has lights on it. I put some non-breakable ornaments on there. The kids usually just take them off whenever they see them. I put that in the middle of the train set but I can’t plug it in now because I don’t have a power strip and the outlet is being used by the train set and my internet router.
  • I have a yard goose in the front yard and put one of my kids’ baby Santa outfits on it.
  • I’m planning on making some crafts with the kids as presents. I put away some things I’m going to give them for birthdays instead. I figure their dad will buy them some expensive stuff so I don’t have to.
  • I’m not looking forward to scraping off the car by myself and getting the kids loaded and unloaded. It’s the most terrible time of the year.
  • The other day when it snowed, my daughter said, “Mommy, after nap time, can we go outside and can you teach me how to make a snowball so I can throw it in your face?” That’s pretty much exactly how it happened. She hit me directly in the eye. My friend said I had a little Ty Cobb on my hands.
  • Whenever it snows, the kids get super excited and want to go play in the snow. It takes a half hour to bundle them up and they fight over coats and gloves and hats. They can hardly move because of how bundled up they are. They go outside for about 30 seconds and complain that it’s too cold. They throw one snowball each (at my face). Then they cry and go back inside. It took another half hour to get the snow gear off. Last year, I stayed out and made a snowman by myself while they watched out the window.
  • The kids say they want hot chocolate and bug me about it for weeks. I make the hot chocolate, only putting it in the microwave for 20 seconds but it is still “too hot.” I then make another one that is just out of the tap and it is “too cold.” They ask for a juice box and that is “just right.” My son just dumps everything on the floor, so sometimes I’m not sure why I bother.
  • I bought a wooden Nativity set so the kids could play with it a bit. My mom and I played with the kids and sang Christmas carols. My daughter asked how I knew the songs since clearly, we knew them very well and she was impressed. I’ll give myself credit and say it must have been just like a Broadway musical. She then started playing with the Nativity set, having Mary hold baby Jesus and rock him to sleep, which was cute. She told the Wise Men that they had to go because Baby Jesus was sleeping. Then somehow monsters got involved and Mom and I had to intervene.
  • My dad dressed up as Santa to see the kids last year and for whatever reason, he decided to use a “big, booming voice” for his Santa rendition. That totally freaked the kids out so all of the pictures we have of them are of them crying and running from Santa. Bah humbug.
  • We saw Santa at a Christmas bazaar last year. Santa asked me, “Mommy, what do you want for Christmas?” I thought, “Santa, you shouldn’t be asking questions like that because sometimes you don’t want to know the answer.” I thought asking Santa for a divorce would be inappropriate. Instead, he suggested a nap and I said that sounded fine.

I’m going to get back to throwing back a bit of Christmas beer while trying not to catch my house on fire between using the electric train that keeps overheating and plugging in an excessive amount of Christmas lights. Cheers!