My son came to my room and asked to talk. He was shaking and pacing and I could tell there was something on his mind. A race of thoughts entered my mind: “What is going on?” “What has he done?”
I was sitting on my bed and he looked at me and said:
“I have an addiction to pornography.”
He began to weep. Those weeps turned into sobs and became uncontrollable. I hugged him and told him that I loved him and we would get through this together.
I was shaken.
We have always had an open line of communication about the internet and about purity and about pornography. I had kept a good eye on his phone, routinely asked him about his purity and even asked him if he had looked at pornography. Computers in our home were only allowed at the kitchen table and there were no electronics allowed in his bedroom. How did this happen?
Insert mom guilt.
Insert mom shame.
Insert mom failure.
After I took some time to process and talk to a few trusted friends, I realized that this was not about what I didn’t do or how I failed. This was about my son and his choices and an addiction that he had to something that could hurt him and affect the rest of his life.
Pornography is a REAL issue.
It is a real issue with men and women. Pornography can destroy relationships and thwart the way we see healthy relationships. We have a whole generation of people who can access pornography whenever they want to and as often as they want to. For young men, this is so dangerous and can change their brains and the way they process things.
And those filters you put on devices your kids use? They are easily bypassed. The school computers your kids use with safeguards? They can be easily bypassed. I put my trust in the devices and the safeguards and that was not enough.
There are many good accountable websites to use and we found one. We installed it on all devices and I get a weekly report of what he has looked at. I talk to him more and more and ask how he is doing. He has started counseling and is working through the why and how he can get a handle on this addiction. We are working together for him to become healthy.
Every few days I go back in my mind to the visual of my son walking in my room, with the look on his face and the secret he had to tell. My heart breaks as to where he was and how he was hurting and struggling.
But he told me, and that was the first step.
