Will Pay to Play!

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This summer was full of uncharted territory. There were no summer camps, pools were by reservation only, and even getting together with groups of friends to play could feel a bit close. If it were under normal circumstances, we would have signed my son up for a summer session at his beloved preschool in a red hot second. But things weren’t normal. So we found an unconventional solution to our situation and honestly, it couldn’t have worked out better. Here’s our story.

It was roughly the 73rd week since my kids had been out of school. My daily routine consisted of trying to keep 9-month-old twins happy, navigating my 7-year-old daughter’s fledging independence as she started spending hours immersed in books, and, my most challenging task, keeping my 5-year-old alive and out of trouble. He was bored in the absolute worst way, and it was wearing on all of us, particularly me.

play

His older sister used to be his constant playmate, but she had begun to bounce between playing with the babies and wanting to be on her own. She was a tiny bit too big to play a lot of the games he wanted to play, and he was a lot too small to read the books she wanted to have a “book club meeting” about. At the same time, him playing his “games” where I was hanging out with the babies resulted in his quick expulsion from the area (9-month-olds don’t know how to watch for another child dropping from the sky like a paratrooper jumping into battle).

As a result, most days ended up with my son wandering aimlessly from activity to activity.

He had the ability to keep himself occupied up to a point but then all bets were off on what he’d do next. “Can you keep J upstairs? He just came down to the basement for the third time today and interrupted my class… again,” my husband would text me from his basement office. The front door alert on my phone would go off and I’d open the camera to see him standing barefoot in the street, trying to chase down some of the older boys in the neighborhood who were twice his age and not interested in playing with him in the least.

I’d send him to the backyard only to find that he had begun to excavate our carefully-laid pavers from the garden with one of his dad’s tools. In another act of boredom, he took his tablet to the van that was parked in the garage where he knew the wireless worked, locked himself in the sweltering vehicle, and watched TV while I ran around our house frantically trying to find him.

My heart broke for him, but my anger frequently burned hotter.

I was barely treading water on most fronts of life, but with him, I was absolutely drowning. I truly had no idea how we were going to make it through the rest of the summer, and both of our attitudes showed it. Then one afternoon, as I watched my kids and the neighborhood kids pelt each other with water balloons to celebrate the end of distance learning, I saw a friend out for a walk and she stopped to chat. She asked how things were going right about the time J came up to demand I watch him with a water balloon. I confessed that J was more than I could handle right now. He had no playmates, and I had no time to be one.

Her kids are older, so she has been in this stage and has always offered an understanding ear. This time, though, she also offered a suggestion.

“If you want someone to just run some energy out of home and play his games, my 16-year-old son is really great with kids and just hanging out this summer since all of his sports camps were canceled. Really. We live close by and he would be great with him.”

I had never considered hiring a teenager to come hang out with my kids while I was at home for some reason. It made sense, but I brushed it off the way we moms so often do when someone makes a good, helpful suggestion (oh thanks so much, that’s really nice of you but we’ll be okay, we’ll figure it out). My in-laws were in town right then for a visit, so things were feeling more manageable. But then they headed home and I was right back where I started.

I listened as my son screamed at me, “SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE I’M NOBODY!” and I knew something had to change. If only there were someone to just come play his games, just for a bit. Somebody to chase him with Nerf darts and build LEGO and keep up with him while he rode his new bike without training wheels around our block multiple times a day like he so desperately wanted to do. All of the things I loved doing with him but simply didn’t have time for.

I needed someone to play with him and wear him out.

It suddenly clicked. I quickly messaged my friend to see if she was genuine in her offer and if she’d talk to her 16-year-old son to see if he’d really be up for the job. I was so relieved when she said she was absolutely serious and arranged to come up with her son, C, later in the week to meet J. They were fast friends, and before I could hardly say a word, J was taking him on a tour of our house. We arranged for C to start the next week; he would come over for an hour or two on weekdays in the middle of the day to just play whatever my son wanted to play. My daughter would occasionally want to hang out as well, but primarily I would pay C to be a playmate for my son.

After they left, I started feeling totally ludicrous for making this arrangement. It’s not like my son lacks male figures in his life. He has an active dad and two grandfathers who, while living quite far away, are always engaged and doting when they’re here. So was it really necessary for me to hire someone to come over and play? I decided to just give it a week and see how it went.

The first day, J sat at the front door and waited for C to arrive. They ran from activity to activity – the backyard to J’s room and then on a bike ride down to C’s house to jump on the trampoline. When the time was up for the day, I already knew this was exactly what my son had been needing. For the rest of the day, J was far more cooperative and pleasant because he had had the opportunity to burn off steam. His manners were better because he saw that even though his friend was a big, tall teenager, he was always polite and didn’t demand to have his way. He could hear me say the words, “No, buddy, I’m sorry I can’t do that right now,” without getting upset, and then go find an appropriate activity because he hadn’t already spent the last four hours playing alone.

I was much happier because I wasn’t telling him “no” the entire day and feeling both frustrated and guilty. My husband was happier because he worked uninterrupted. My daughter enjoyed time playing with her friend next door without including her brother the whole time, and the twins got uninterrupted playtime with me. It was a win for our whole family.

So that’s it. The story of how we all gained a little bit of life back. Did it feel uncomfortable at first to realize that I needed to hire someone to help while I was physically still at home with my kids? Yep. But I’m better for it. And if you’re ever in the same boat as I am, I encourage you to ask around. Find out if there’s a teenager in your neighborhood or at your church who is a good fit for your kids. Having someone come play with your kids for an hour or two in the middle of the day can really change things for everyone, especially this past summer.