The Guilt of One {And Done?}


Before my daughter was born, my husband and I were regularly asked when we were starting a family. She arrived one month before our 5-year anniversary, and we have been on cloud nine ever since that day. A year and a half later, we are frequently asked when we are adding a second child to our family.

What if our family is complete the way it is, no more and no less? What if a new addition will be through adoption instead of birth? What if our family is not what others envision it to be?

I love my family the way we are: three humans and five pets under one roof riding out the roller coaster of life together.

one and done

My daughter is thriving and seeing the world through her eyes has opened parts of us that my husband and I did not know existed. We can save – both for her and for us – and live on a modest income. We have careers and yet still co-parent as teammates and partners that our daughter deserves. Our family is happy, and isn’t that what matters?

The guilt of potentially being one and done not having a second child soon is real. Should we give our parents another grandchild? Should Ana have a sibling? Why would we not want to share our love with someone else? So many shoulds and should not’s when, in fact, the only “should” that matters is doing what is best for us.

There are many unknowns in the world (climate, economy, her future), but we do know that we are happy now. Our love is not spread thin and at the stage of independence, we are overjoyed at seeing her personality grow.

Our family may not be what others want, but it is what we have. How grateful are we to experience it.


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