I recently got that piece of mail that all of us dread. Not the electric bill or the gas bill. The jury summons!
I was so stressed when I got it and that stress built and built. Not because I don’t want to do my patriotic duty, but because that duty fell on a week when I had two doctor’s appointments, an activity at my daughter’s school, and multiple meetings at work that were not going to be fun to juggle and cover.
I was also a little nervous because I know very little about how the jury system works.
Outside of senior year government class, which was more years ago than I care to admit, most of my knowledge of how things work in the courtroom have been learned from the Law and Order SVU episodes I binged watch last year.
But what I do know, is that before you have to make a decision on what happened, you are presented with a series of facts. As a jury member, it’s your responsibility to use those facts to reach a conclusion. That’s the jury’s job.
What I’ve noticed in everyday life, however, is that so many people think they are the jury and judge over someone and they make judgments based on very limited amounts of facts.
This thought crossed my mind today when I saw a Facebook post with the caption, “This is the mentality of the times we live in,” and below it was a picture of a set of steps leading up to two doors. Half of the steps leading to one door were shoveled clean from the snow, while the other half wasn’t. The post had over 2,000 reactions, including sad and angry, and most comments shared thoughts of anger, sadness and disbelief.
Here’s the thing though, with this small limited view with zero facts other than a half shoveled staircase, why are we assuming this is a bad thing?
Here are the questions that immediately come to mind:
- Do the two doors lead to separate homes? Many houses have multiple doorways, maybe they only use one?
- Is there a tree or other building or object that you cannot see in the picture that literally blocked the snow from falling on the other half of the steps? That can in fact happen!
- What if the person DID only shovel their half but maybe that person is elderly and even doing that was very hard on their body and doing more would have been detrimental to them?
- What if, WHAT IF, someone did half and stopped for a moment to catch their breath and during which someone else snapped the photo and then immediately after, the second half was cleaned?
These are all pieces of info that would cause us to think differently of the situation if we had this information. But we don’t. We see our limited view and make harsh judgments.
And all of this is bad enough, but moms, sometimes, we can be the hardest judges.
See a video of a momma making a cutesy, super healthy lunch – judge her for overachieving and making us feel bad.
See a video of a mom making a lunch of Uncrustables and yogurt tubes and goldfish – judge her for not caring enough or starving her child or overfeeding her child.
See a mom always dress her kids in expensive clothes – judge her for being pretentious.
See a mom working 10-hour days – judge her for not spending enough time with her kids.
Why do we judge based on what we see in a snapshot? A 60-second TikTok video? A cropped and filtered Instagram pic?
Who made us the jury of others’ lives?
I think if we all backed up, took a moment to see the bigger picture, asked some questions, and didn’t jump to conclusions, we’d all see that there is more to the story. I think the “mentality of the times we live in” would be more “how can I help?” and less “you are the reason for my problems.”
Mommas, let’s all agree to be a little slower to put each other on trial. And a little quicker to show compassion and empathy. And hopefully, in the process, our littles see and learn and someday model this behavior.
