I am exhausted. I always knew motherhood would make me tired. Plenty of people warned me about that. “You’ll never sleep again!” and “Sleep when the baby sleeps!” Sure. Right. Whatever. I can handle that. I knew that was coming.
What I didn’t expect was the mental exhaustion. I didn’t realize just how often my mind would be running through my never-ending to-do list, worrying about my kids, and just non-stop thinking and remembering and forgetting all at once. Some days I don’t think my brain could possibly handle another thing to think about. My “I don’t care response” to questions that used to be slightly passive aggressive has now become a plea for help because I can’t stand the thought of making another decision.
When will the baby sleep through the night? Did I remember to schedule his well check? What age do they go to the dentist? What side did he last nurse? Did I pay that bill? Is that cough of his sounding worse? Did I reply to that work email? How long will they play until someone ends up crying? Did they brush their teeth this morning? Wait, did I brush my teeth this morning? Why are the kids so quiet? Did I switch out the laundry? Am I working too much? Did the kids eat a vegetable today… or even this week? Am I a good mom? I’m. freaking. mentally. exhausted.
My mind never stops. I wish I could turn it off. Some days I think it will be easier when the kids get older and then I realize the worry will be different but just as numerous. Did I teach them everything they need to know? Are they making friends? Why haven’t they called me? I don’t even want to think about it because those worries seem even bigger.
I’m tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Parenthood is absolutely draining. When we bring our children into the world they become our world. We care for them and worry for them, often without their notice. All of this along with our other daily house and work duties piling on top. The mental load can feel crushing. But somehow we just keep going, keep worrying, keep thinking (and forgetting) again and again and again.