My responsibilities as a mom weren’t enough I felt like. I don’t know why that has never been enough for me because as we know, being a mom is a full-time job and more.
Maybe it’s because I have always worked in one capacity or another including in high school and college. Maybe it’s because I received a bachelor’s degree and wanted to put that to use.
So, I am a mom, and I work full-time, and I volunteer with a variety of organizations and groups that have varying levels of commitments. But I have finally come to a point where enough is enough.
I’m not being the best mom I can be. I’m not being the best person I can be. I am spending way too much time giving myself to others that there is no time to focus on me.
Yes, being busy makes me feel like my days are purposeful. I feel like with my work or other contributions that I am doing something that makes others happy or helps accomplish goals. But I have lost that purpose of what makes me personally happy and rather focused on what others think or expect out of me.
This is not uncommon. As mothers we’re told to put others first, particularly our children if they are younger and not as independent.
My problem was I never reclaimed any of my time — I kept going and going like the Energizer bunny thinking I could take more on. And let me tell you, while things might have looked controlled and managed on the outside it was far from it.
I was asked in a meeting one day to share something I do for fun — I couldn’t think of anything. I used to take time for myself to go out running, go to the dog park, and more. I put that all to the wayside and I have no one to blame but myself.
That’s why I’m taking a step back and quitting some of my other commitments. But most importantly, I’m not quitting on myself.
It would be easy to just keep going and try to be superwoman. But who is that helping? Certainly not myself, my family, or these organizations I’m currently a part of. Instead, I’m going to be more focused with my time and commitments, so that way I can be the best version of myself.
It’s disappointing that I can’t “do it all” but I am taking that disappointment and refocusing my energy. I can’t quit myself and if I put time into myself a little more, I’ll be better for others.
