It’s hard.
Motherhood. Marriage. Life. The song and dance of balancing family and a career and a social life and maintaining a home and a healthy diet and exercise. And. And. And. It’s hard.
It’s hard to be a mother and a wife and an employee and a friend and a daughter and a sister.
Most days, I wake up, I push the hardness deep down into the pit of my stomach and bury it away, ready to tackle whatever hard things the day throws my way with a smile and a positive attitude. Attitude is everything, as they say.
But some days, something small cracks through the protective walls I’ve built and the tears start flowing. And although they only started because of that one hard thing that triggered me, suddenly they’re flowing for all of the hard things that are suddenly bubbling to the surface. And for just a minute, I let the tears fall freely. Because it’s hard.
Because it’s hard, but because we’re supposed to be soaking up every minute anyway (even though it’s hard). Because otherwise, we blink, and suddenly our babies are toddlers, and then we blink again, and they’re off to school. And that’s hard, too. You want to go back in time, and you want to freeze the moment, and you want this hard day to end, all at the same time.
It’s hard to balance the opinions of others. It’s hard to be a people pleaser. It’s hard to feel like you’re letting others down when you’re only protecting yourself. Sometimes it’s hard saying no and sometimes it’s hard to say yes. It’s hard to know the answers.
It’s hard, but as moms, too many of us convince ourselves that we’re supposed to be tough. We’re supposed to have all the answers, to have perfected the delicate balance of our lives, to keep a smile on our face, to savor every moment, even the hard ones. Even when we tell ourselves it’s okay when we DON’T have it all together – I can’t be the only one who continues to pressure herself anyway.
It’s hard.
I am okay. The tears will dry up, my smile will return, and I will know, deep down in the depths of my soul, that despite all the hard things, I love this life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s messy, complicated, unruly. And truly, I am happy. But it’s still hard.
It’s hard. Maybe it’s supposed to be. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s the point.
