I was lost, but I didn’t notice. In the midst of becoming a wife, a full-time employee, a mom and so many other titles that were the basis of what was to be my “new” identity, I lost the connection with who I really was/am. I have been so consumed by the ongoing day-to-day expectations that I, at some point, stopped thinking about what drives me and makes me well, me.
The New Year is here and I’m surrounded by articles stating “New Year, New You!” Here is the problem though. I have a “new me.” I am the mom, the wife, the employee and while I’m doing everything in my power to rock at all of those titles, it is the “old me” that I want to find again. I liked who that person was and I miss her!
I had forgotten to embrace who I was and mesh it with who I am now. I was outgoing, silly and spontaneous. I was the friend who always recalled my friends’ big days. I was calm (ok, ok, hyper, but yet calm). I loved taking pictures of everything and anything I could. I was a morning person. I loved working out and teaching fitness classes. Traveling and seeing new places was my motivation for almost all the things. I was so many other things, but in the instant that life took over, I ignored those things that made me full of joy and became what everyone expected of me.
I became the full-time wife, who was there to support and push her husband to be his best. I was the employee who didn’t say “no” if things were asked of me, even if it meant canceling my plans. I was the mom who tried doing it all without asking for help. I became the mom who made homemade, cut out, decorated cookies for all the kids’ school events. I spent HOURS making sure my home looked the way I believed everyone expected it to be (spotless and perfect in every way.)
Here is the reality, though. In doing all of those things, not only did I lose the sense of who I was, I started to fail at all those other pieces that I was trying so hard to keep up with because I was unhappy, and lost and had no idea why.
So instead of finding the new me in the New Year, I’m trying hard to mesh the “old me” that I lost with what my current roles are.
I’m getting better at saying no to work if I have something else that needs to happen (girls’ night out, kids’ events, or maybe just because I need a break.) I take time off when I need time or I want to snuggle my little bits for just one more day. Instead of just pushing my husband to be his best self, I started asking for him to help push me. too. The reality was that I wasn’t going to succeed in finding some of my old self without him supporting that.
I fought hard for a job I knew would bring me joy, versus working at one that I was good at, but was consuming me. I’m trying hard to feel less guilty about spending time with friends instead of being with my kiddos 24/7. Instead of doing presents for the kids, we are looking at traveling with them and letting them experience all the places and seeing new places with us. I want to get my nose pierced and maybe more tattoos.
The sky is the limit, and in this season of wife/work/mom life, there is no reason to let go of who you were in order to be all the things you need to be now. So here is to finding the “old” you and being the best you in this New Year!
