We all know that Mom; the one who hovers and is a bit overprotective. We’ve seen her in her full glory at the playground, school drop off, swim lessons, or even the grocery store. She’s never far from her kiddo whether they need her or not. The “Helicopter Mom.” Well, that’s me. Or rather, it was.
For as long as I can remember, I have been a cautious person, the one who wants things done the ‘right’ way, a bit of a scaredy-cat, and someone who valued safety over fun growing up. Fast forward to my adult years; add in pregnancy and baby loss along with getting to raise two kids, and those tendencies have definitely wanted to magnify.
Experiencing loss will, of course, shape the way you parent; it makes you want to cling on to those you love even more than normal. This urge to hold tight and protect has, in turn, made me the prime candidate for the title of Helicopter Mom. Although I love the idea of keeping my babies safe and wrapped up in my arms, this was a title I never wanted to wear and one that I have been learning to tame.
Just like with breaking any habit or tendency, you need a game plan. Something to hold on to and be able to reference back on when needed. With how busy this Mom-life is, mine needed to be simple. Three things that I can focus on and use as my daily reminders.
Let them be little – Whether it is jumping in the puddles, climbing on the playground, or coloring with markers. Kids need to be kids. My tendency has been to try and tame those things instead of just letting them be. In reality, I was what needed to be tamed. Kids will get hurt, they will make a mess, they will test our limits, but that is their job! Kids crave boundaries and rules, but it is equally as important to let them explore and grow on their own. I’ve seen such a change in both myself and my kiddos when I have just let them be little.
Set the standard – The best way I can steer clear of the Helicopter Mom title is to simply set the example. Our kids are always watching us, and it is most often when we don’t even realize it. If I freak out when my little guy falls, then my daughter is going to learn to freak out when she falls. Now, obviously there is a time to respond that way, but I am learning to choose my responses very carefully.
Hands-off – Our job as parents is to basically be working ourselves out of a job each day. To raise our kids well, with the end goal being independent young adults who can care for themselves as they move out and take on the world. We won’t be able to achieve that if we are constantly holding their hands. I have learned to literally let go, and instead, watch as my little ones learn to achieve new skills and the excitement that comes along thereafter. Of course, it is still my job to teach them, but once I do, I try my best to be hands-off and let them do things themselves. This is by far the hardest one for me. Watching them become more independent is such a bittersweet thing, but I also know that is the goal. I’m learning to celebrate the victories with them, and as much as I’d love to hold their hands forever, I remind myself that I need both hands in order to clap for them!
As much as I thought I’d love to keep my kids in a bubble or wrapped up in my arms safely, I’m realizing that the more I let them go, the easier it is. My kids will learn to grow, they will mess up, and make mistakes. I know I will always be a bit over-cautious, and my mind might try and reign them in every now and then, but I am so thankful to have chosen freedom over fear, and to be kicking those Helicopter Mom tendencies to the curb.
