Is Your Glass Half Full?

It was 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning, and I was sitting in church alone, waiting for mass to start. I found myself looking around, staring at the other young families. When I looked around the room, I saw what seemed like a countless number of families with young children sitting with their parents at mass. I couldn’t help but feel very alone.

You see, my husband and my 2-year-old daughter were supposed to be sitting with me in mass on this particular Sunday morning. Our 5-year-old was at church too – she was attending the 5-year-old Sunday school class, exactly as she should have been. But my husband and my 2-year-old – well, they were at home. All because that same 2-year-old had caused such a fuss about getting dressed that morning as we were trying to get out the door, and my husband and I had agreed to wave the white flag. We divided and conquered. I took the 5-year-old to church, and he stayed back with the 2-year-old tantruming on the floor because we deign to suggest she wear pants.

That’s how I ended up sitting in church alone that Sunday morning. Sure, I wasn’t truly alone. I was surrounded by hundreds of other parishioners attending mass that morning. My own mom was on her way to join me for mass. So why did I feel so lonely? 

As I sat with my feelings, I realized that I felt alone in the failure that I was feeling in that moment. All of these other families had accomplished what I could not that day. They had all made it out the door to church successfully, and their children were sitting quietly in church, as my younger daughter should have been.

Why are we so hard on ourselves as parents? Why don’t we talk more often about these moments of perceived “failures” so we know that others feel the same way?

In hindsight, I could have taken a “glass half full” outlook in church that morning and chalked it up as a victory that my older daughter made it to Sunday school (and I made it to mass) at all after the morning we’d experienced with our little one. We could have thrown in the towel completely and just stayed home, but at least 50% of our family made it to mass that day. Glass half full, indeed.

It’s so hard in those moments. You know the moments that I mean, Mama. The one when you are sitting there with your feelings, dwelling on the countless ways you’ve failed your kids. I know I’m not the only one who lives these moments. I also know that if I was watching a friend beat herself up the way I do myself, I would take the time to set her straight. But so often we don’t know when our fellow mamas are struggling with these feelings.

In a perfect world, we would all be more vocal about our feelings of failure. We would talk about these moments of motherhood when life doesn’t go according to our plan – in fact, we’d shout them from the rooftops so that all of the other mamas out there would know the truth is, they aren’t alone. We’ve all experienced these feelings of failure.

Until we get to that point, though, what if we all just make a concentrated effort to spend more time building up the other mamas in our network? We may not know when they are having a “failure moment,” but who doesn’t love to hear the occasional unprompted, “I see what you’re doing, and you’re doing a great job,” type comment? We could surely all benefit from that, any day of the week.

So for anyone reading this who might need a reminder today – Mama, you’re doing a GREAT job. The glass is always half full, after all.