Gender Bender

In a time of connection and awareness to the vast diversity of the world, we are given a tremendous opportunity to support and include people of any gender – including our own children.

Let me start from the beginning. The beginning beginning. When referring to a “gender reveal,” what is really being shared? The presence of a labia or penis on an ultrasound; anatomical parts of a growing body.

Here’s the rub; a person’s gender is not determined by the presence of any physical attribute. Only as a person (child) matures and is able to form and articulate their gender, can THEY determine their pronouns and assignment. 

A majority of kids will identify with the anatomy of their birth. So does it really seem so necessary to be aware of anything but sex = gender? What does this mean for us as parents? 

I’m not arguing for gender-open parenting (although that’s a thing) or removing sex completely from birth certificates (also a thing). But maybe striving to be more gender-inclusive can be a part of our parenting journey. How can we foster a sense of identity for our children if we make these decisions for them?

We often choose our words cognizant of the gender it infers; letter carrier and flight attendant for mailman and stewardess. Showing that same level of thought into our daily lives is paramount to raising children confident in who they are; not what we want them to be. 

They/Them/Their is a powerful choice we can model for our youth. When we speak of other people, maybe even when we feel the gender is obvious, choosing neutral pronouns allows the individual to speak to who they are instead of we think them to be. 

A great example is interacting with other children. When in public, it might come for me to speak to or about another child. If my kid is speaking about another child, I might say, “Are THEY making a good choice? I see THEM and THEIR actions are showing me a good choice.” Instead of asserting what I, the outside observer, think their gender to be.

Is SHE making a good choice? I see HER actions are showing me a good choice.”

Letting anyone, child or adult, speak their own preference of pronoun is empowering. Imagine the power we can instill in our youth to be aware of gender identity; of others and themselves.

Gender doesn’t define; in the womb, home, or playground. Speaking in gender-inclusive ways can help normalize the inclusion of all identities; who they/he/she/ze decide.