All Dogs Go to Heaven {Saying Goodbye to My Fur Baby}

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Long before I had a larger-than-life daughter, before I had two creative and talented stepkids, before I even knew my husband was walking the earth, I had my first baby: a fur baby. 

She came into my life at a time that I needed a lifeline… and didn’t even know that I needed one. In those days, she plowed through all obstacles (actually, quite literally) and taught me that it was ok to persevere without apology. She showed me what pure joy looked like – hers involved running in a field, any field. And jumping in water, no matter whether a swamp or swimming pool.

And now, 12 years later, she is family, and I am her lifeline. Now, my fur baby shows me a tired perseverance as she struggles through the pain, and I come to terms with the test results. 

fur baby

I lay curled up next to her and listen to the occasional whine that is so unlike her. She’s usually the strong one, comforting us with her stoic cheerfulness. I see the flecks of blood on her paw from the IV. A paw that has helped her run with me so often that we are known in my neighborhood as “the dog who runs the girl.” 

And when she looks at me with glassy eyes, still confused from anesthesia, she’s telling me she loves me – even though she doesn’t understand what’s going on. 

Even while I try to soak up every moment I have with her, my heart breaks, and I reflect on how it happened that she became the unspoken matriarch of our family. 

She was the one who gave her blessing to marry my husband. We all gave a nod to my parents, but it was Snicker who, with one raised eyebrow, a huff, and a final relinquishing of her spot on the couch, welcomed this new man into her life. 

She was the one who became my daughter’s protector. From the pizza delivery person. From our mail carrier. From even the dangers of my husband, trying to get into his own bed to snuggle with the baby. 

She was the one who took her rightful throne on the forbidden chaise lounge sofa the minute we walked out the door and looked regally out the window until she saw our car pull back in the driveway. 

She is the one who now patiently endures the quiet ministrations of a 6-year-old and her vet kit. A matriarch with aches and pains who still has nothing but time to love and to teach the next generation how to enjoy life. To persevere without apology. 

We smile and laugh and live even in the moments of sadness of these last days. The matriarch approves, and she gives us her final life lesson on how to gracefully say goodbye. 

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Becky
I am a Dayton native who vowed to pack up and leave for bigger sights but never made it further than Centerville. I've been married to a fellow Daytonian for five years, and we currently play house in the Englewood area. I have two bonus kiddos - a daughter (13) and a son (11) - and one daughter (3). When we aren't playing soccer or hockey, our family enjoys checking out our Metroparks and visiting local farms that host family events. To detox from life's stressors, I love running, eating mass quantities of chocolate, and praying -- sometimes all at the same time.