The gas light turns on. You have further to go. No gas station in sight. Has this ever happened to you? What do we do when our own gas light turns on? What does it look like for you?
If you’re anything like me, you almost break down. On the side of the road. Alone. It’s a horrible feeling, but it’s more common than you think. Mothers are so good at going until they can’t anymore. Some mothers have an endless supply of fuel and it begs the question – what’s their secret?!
Let me share at least three solid, recurring ways my tank fills back up:
Make time for self-care.
No, this isn’t a solo shower behind a locked door. A bathroom break by yourself. A trip to the grocery store. This is true self-care. Taking care of yourself. You! Only you! It’s not selfish to go for a walk by yourself around your favorite park. It’s not selfish to book a massage or facial if you have the means to do so. It’s not selfish to make a Target run and not buy toiletries or diapers. It’s not selfish to call up a friend and go meet for lunch. Find someone you trust to watch your kids. Tell your significant other you need an hour or two. Ask grandma or grandpa to come hang out. Regardless of how you do it, do it! At least once a month, care for yourself.
Make a to-do list and do no more.
I’ve fallen victim to the endless chores on top of the needs of my family and myself. I tend to overwhelm myself with doing every chore, every day it needs it. Instead, make a list each week- what do you need to accomplish and what do you want to accomplish? Decide which days and which tasks you’re going to coordinate with the rest of your schedule. This allows boundaries between you and the housework. You and your family’s needs. AND vice versa. If your kids are old enough to assist, assign them some chores you can trust them with and then reward them! There’s no need to let your laundry and dishes dictate your mood and your ability to be present.
Plan family time.
Yes, I know this can sometimes be daunting, but the key to planned family time is preparation! If your schedule permits, plan one activity a week that your whole family is involved in. It can be a hike around a local metro park or an admission ticket at a children’s museum or zoo. Whatever you decide, plan it in advance. Ensure you have everything you need for a perfect day with your family. When you do this, do not, I repeat, do not take your housework, personal stress, work duties, or anything but love and attention to your planned family time. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; it just has to be a time to be together with no distractions. Presence with the people you love is the topper to your tank.
I’ve had to do these three things to fill my own tank. I’ve had my bouts of depression in life, my anxiety at an all-time high, my irritability turned to rage. I know what it’s like to feel empty. Your family doesn’t deserve you like that and YOU don’t deserve you like that. When we can turn our mom tank to full, we can accomplish so much more. We can be the mothers we’ve always wanted to be. And lastly, we can fulfill this sacred calling with every ounce of our being.
Now go! Go take care of you!
