My Daughter, The Biter

My daughter is a biter.

So far, it’s not too bad. I mean, she’s only bitten me, her dad, her grandma, and probably the nanny. That’s not horrible… right? At least she hasn’t bitten another child. And she’s only broken the skin with her teeth once. Maybe twice?

Okay, we have a problem. We need to get this under control.

I never even thought about the possibility of having a biter. Biters are boys (statistically true, but kinda sexist of me). Biters are bullies. Biters are mean kids. My daughter is happy, friendly, and sweet. How on earth did I end up with a biter on my hands?

And how am I handling my sweet-but-vicious little velociraptor?

After a quick consult with Dr. Google, I’m reassured that biting is “normal.” It doesn’t mean my kid is “bad.” Duh. I know she’s not bad. She just gets excited and worked up, and then she grabs a hunk of shoulder-flesh with her razor-sharp teeth.

So, the first thing Dr. Google tells me to do is figure out why she’s biting. There’s always a reason.

• Is she teething? Is she biting because her erupting teeth hurt, and she gets some sort of pleasurable feedback mechanism with pressure? Nope. She’s got all her baby teeth already. That’s not it. 
• Is she learning cause and effect? “If I bite mommy, she’ll scream reeeeally loudly and recoil in pain?” Well, I’m pretty sure she’s got cause and effect down, considering we spent about a year doing the whole “I’m going to throw my spoon on the floor and laugh while mommy and daddy pick it up and clean the yogurt off the floor before the borderline obese dog licks it up.” So, no. Not the cause and effect hypothesis.
• Is she scared, frustrated, or angry but unable to express herself? No. She’s actually been the opposite – shrieking with laughter and really hyper in the moments before the blood-drawing bites. Well, actually, she has been really excited and worked up, and she’s not super verbal yet, so maybe there’s something to that one…
• Has she been bitten? Or has anyone done “play-biting” with her? Uh-oh. 

Pretty much from the second she was born, I’ve kissed and nibbled on her “stinky Petes” (a.k.a. adorable baby feet). And sometimes I’ve pretended to chomp down on her chubby little thighs. You can NOT blame me. Have you seen baby feet? They’re out of control. They’re adorable. You just have to eat them up.

But, crap.

My daughter is a biter because I’m a biter. I mean, not a real biter; a play biter. But she’s 2. She doesn’t know the difference.

So how am I handling it?

Well, first, I’ve gone completely cold turkey on her sweet stinky Petes. And on her newborn sister’s stinky Petes. I’m suffering severe withdrawal, though. Like, we’re talking sweats and delirium tremens. I just don’t want to quit those sweet baby toes. Pray for me.

We’re talking about it all the time, every chance we get. “We don’t bite Mommy. We don’t bite Baby. We don’t bite Nana. We hug Mommy. We kiss Baby. We snuggle Nana.”

We’re talking about what teeth are good for. Teeth are good for chewing apples! Teeth are great for brushing until they sparkle! Teeth are perfect for smiling! But teeth are not for biting. Biting hurts.

I also made a late-night desperate Amazon purchase for “stop your toddler from biting” books. There are a ton of options, but I settled on Teeth Are Not For Biting and Little Dinos Don’t Bite. We’re reading them several times a day, as many times as she’ll let me. Usually, she’s the one insisting we re-read a book (How The Grinch Stole Christmas, on repeat all year long), but it’s my turn to demand repetition.

Every time we read or talk about it, I can see the concentration on her face while she’s trying to figure out this whole new “no-biting” concept. Toddlers are amazing because they’re learning so much for the first time, and you can almost see the circuits firing in their brains as they piece together new information. I feel terrible that I essentially taught her biting was okay for two years, and now I am telling her, “Hey, so that cute little biting thing I’ve done for two years, that’s wrong. That’s not nice. That’s not what we are supposed to do.” Her brain is trying to work that out.

Naturally, she’s confused. But I think she’s getting it? I hope. I’ll keep you posted on if I lose any more flesh.

Do you have any tips for managing biters? Please leave them in the comments!