The One With an Apology

With the power to say whatever we want, whenever we want, all forms of media show growing toxicity and judgment in the way we seem to interact with people who are different than us. There’s a growing lack of respect and decency for anyone with an opposing view on anything from gun control, education, sexuality, even breastfeeding for Pete’s sake. There is also a growing need to teach kindness and love to the next generation despite our differences, including our religious differences. 

In our big, wide world of diverse religions and belief-systems set in place, I grew up with Christianity. I was a privileged Christian and had a shallow understanding at best of what love and service really means. With age – and a few hiccups as the prodigal daughter – I’d like to say that my faith has grown a little in sincerity. 

And alongside that effort to be more authentic, I’ve been listening to a lot of people. People who have grown up in the Christian church and walked away; people who never wanted any part of that Church to begin with because of the hate and judgment they’ve experienced first-hand; people still part of the faith but disillusioned and hurt by their Church family; fellow Christians who express attitudes that I thought were long dead.

Most of the time, I stay silent.

I’m silent because I’m uncomfortable and feel unqualified. I’m silent because I don’t know the right words to say to soothe these hurts, especially when I am feeling the same way. I’m silent because I’m afraid that I will cause more hurt and tension for people whom I care about deeply.

I don’t know how else to make it better, except that right here and now, I want to say a whole bunch of, “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry to the people who have ever experienced judgment from a Christian, including myself. There is no place for judgment – and in fact, isn’t even a Biblical truth. For the times you’ve been judged by me, please talk to me and forgive me. I’m human, too, and make mistakes. And I want to fix those mistakes. Know that I may not agree with you on some things, but loving disagreement without judgment happens in life. Even with the big things. And that’s ok.

I’m also sorry to my fellow Christians who have been judged during their own struggles. We all make mistakes and fall, and when it happens, wouldn’t it be better to put down the self-righteous stones in favor of extending a helping hand?

I’m sorry to the people who have been attacked by a Christian. Hate is literally the antithesis of the Bible’s number two rule to love your neighbor. If you Google any story about Jesus, you’ll probably bump into one of these two themes: befriending and loving those deemed unworthy by the Jewish leaders/society and calling out the Judge-y McJudgerson Pharisees. We haven’t always heeded these lessons, and so you need to hear, “I’m sorry. Hate is wrong.”

I’m sorry to the Christians around me who are living their best life with sincere love and truth. There are so many of you, and you’ve been found guilty by association; you, too, are disheartened by the judgment and the hate you have received.

I’m sorry for the way that few of us were taught to be loving and respectful, even during times of conflict. And that we are in danger of passing our dysfunctions on to the next generation unless we start educating now, from toddlers to teens.

I want it all to change for the better, to stop the hurt and start the healing. So, please let me start with an apology.