“I will never let my child sleep in my bed!” – Me (before I was a parent)
I’ll be the first to admit that pre-Mom me was pretty annoying. She was a smug know-it-all, and I’d like to slap some sense into her if time travel were a thing. Now that I actually am a parent, “never say never” is a much more realistic mantra.
If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that my daughter can be a real pistol. The majority of the first year of her life was marred by colic, intense stranger danger, and overall fussiness. She certainly wasn’t an easy or happy-go-lucky baby. But there was always an ace in our back pocket: she was a GREAT sleeper.
Starting at around 3 months, we transitioned her into her crib in her nursery. Though we expected this to be a disaster, she quickly proved us wrong. She blissfully slept all night, nearly every night from that point on. She’d go down between 7:30-8:00 and sleep between 10-11 hours each night. Travel, missed naps, teething – none of these disrupted her sleep schedule. It was a DREAM (no pun intended).
Before you start cursing me, let me assure you that this magic only lasted so long. Until she hit 2, to be exact. I’m not sure what happened, but it was like a light switch. As soon as we put her in her crib, she instantly panicked. She only wanted Mommy or Daddy and would scream until we came to rescue her. We tried the “cry it out” method for a few nights, but girl can cry for a L-O-N-G time.
We weren’t sure if it was a newfound fear of the dark, bad dreams, separation anxiety, or something completely inexplicable. The first thing we did was get rid of the crib, which we knew was something we would have done eventually anyway. We put a twin mattress on the floor to transition. This was moderately successful at first; however, she did require one of us to lay with her until she fell asleep (oh yeah, and she decided her new bedtime was closer to 10:00 PM).
But nearly every night, she’d wake up wailing. The first few weeks, either my husband or I would go into her room and stay with her until she fell back asleep. Sometimes we’d also fall asleep in the process, which wasn’t particularly comfortable for my nearly 6’5’’ husband. If we did leave her room, she would almost always wake up again at some point in the middle of the night. We would again go back in her room and try to coax her back to sleep.
I will be frank: my first reaction to her new nocturnal tendencies and bedtime protests was pure selfishness.
How dare my child need me during my few precious hours of “me” time? Didn’t she know how essential I felt that time was to my own sanity? Spoiler alert: Of course she didn’t.
After a few bleary weeks of broken sleep and far too many middle of the night wake-ups, I began to feel delirious. Sleep felt like a complete stranger, and I decided I had to do anything in order get it. So, one night amidst her cries, we put her in our bed with us. I like to call this “The Point of No Return.” Miraculously, she huddled right up against me and fell into a deep slumber almost instantly. I, too, fell back asleep within minutes. All it took was that one time, and I was hooked.
So, we unintentionally became a family of co-sleepers. I totally understand that this is not the most ideal arrangement for everyone, but it’s one that worked for us for nearly a year.
But with a new baby, girlfriend had to get evicted. If I’m being completely honest with myself, moving her into her big girl bed was far more difficult on me than it was for her. In fact, the first night she slept in her own bed, I was a blubbering mess. Simply put: I’m going to miss her. The cuddles and snuggles are a comfort to her, but they’re a comfort to me as well. When I wake up in the middle of the night and she’s curled up against me, breathing heavy sleep breaths – I feel a sense of peace.
Even if the big girl bed doesn’t work out every single night, it’s okay. She is always going to be welcome in Mommy and Daddy’s bed (though I will say thank goodness it’s a king!). We know we won’t always be able to hold her and comfort her to sleep. We’ve chosen to embrace the sleepy snores, the sweet smell, and the feeling of her face pressed against our chests. Because one day she probably won’t always want to be around us. One day she won’t need us quite this much. And I have a feeling that day will come much sooner than I’d like.
