“I’m worried I won’t be a good mom.”
That was the start of a conversation I had recently with a coworker, who was getting ready to become a mom for the first time. The closer she came to her baby’s arrival, the more anxiety she felt over whether or not she would be good enough.
She told me that she worried about keeping him safe, making sure he felt loved, and meeting his needs (and as we know, newborns have a LOT of needs). As a first time mom, she was afraid she wouldn’t know what to do with her baby. She confided in me because, as a mom of two, she saw me as an “expert.”
I’m here to tell you that I’m no expert. Sure, I’ve been a mother for four years now (how is that possible?), but I still have moments of not knowing what the heck I’m doing. So this conversation got me thinking. What does it take to be a good mom?
I don’t have the answers, but here are a few qualities I think good moms embody.
Photo: JLT Photography
Love
Yes, it’s kind of obvious, but if you love your kid, you’re doing a good job. This was the answer I gave my soon-to-be-mom colleague. The fact that she was thinking about this and worrying didn’t mean she wouldn’t make a good mom. It meant that she loves her kid and wants to do the best she can for him. Love is the best thing we can give our kids as moms.
Patience
Patience isn’t always easy to come by as a parent (especially when you’re dealing with the same tantrum about shoes for the fifth morning in a row). But kids don’t know how to control their emotions, and that’s where patience and understanding come in. I’ve had times where I lose my temper and yell, but that only makes it worse. Instead, I try to remind myself that my headstrong four-year-old is just communicating her feelings in the only way she knows how.
Time
As a full-time working mom, time with my kids is precious. I want to make sure the time I give them is quality. Sometimes, that means snuggling up and watching Frozen together (for the sixtieth time), and sometimes it means playing My Little Ponies or soccer in the backyard. What it doesn’t mean is staring at my phone while the kids are around. Do I do that sometimes? Sure, I am a human person living in the age of smartphones and social media. But I try to consciously limit my phone time around my kids and give them my attention instead.
Compassion
If there’s one thing I want to instill in my kids, it’s compassion. Especially for people who are different from them. In this day and age, it’s all too easy to stick within your own comfort zone with people who think or look like you. But that leads to division, which causes all kinds of issues. I want my kids to know that no one is better than someone else because of their age, race, gender, sexual orientation, or economic status. If they grow up knowing that, I will feel like I raised them right.
What do you think makes a good mom?
