Not So Great Expectations

There are two kinds of expectations: Those society creates, and those you put on yourself. For me, the latter has been my biggest battle since having my second baby five months ago.

Society’s unrealistic expectations don’t resonate with me. My Instagram feed is full of real women whose bodies cling to that extra 20 pounds for months, or even years after giving birth. The images I see are of real women, showing that not everyone can “bounce back” and fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes when their babies are a couple of months old. Or, on the flip side, some women can, and that’s fine too.

For me, the issue is what I expect of myself, and that’s what I’m trying to work with.

I want to get back to working out as much as I did prior to the birth of my son, but he isn’t sleeping through the night so I’ve been prioritizing sleep. I want to be able to spend evenings with my husband, catching up on our favorite shows, but I go to bed at (or sometimes before) 8 p.m. so I’m not an exhausted mess at work the next day. This leads to me being frustrated because I feel like I can’t do what I used to.

But life is not the same as it used to be. My baby is still so young, and just because my first baby slept through the night from an early age doesn’t mean my second will. I want to enjoy him while he’s little rather than worrying that I haven’t worked out. I want to spend time laughing at my preschooler’s (not funny) jokes rather than thinking about the fact that I can’t get into my pre-baby jeans.

If you’re like me, it’s time to rethink your expectations of yourself. Make a list of who you want to be and what you want to achieve, and make sure you’re not being too hard on yourself. After all, being a mama is hard enough without putting all these expectations on yourself.

Here’s what I want to expect from myself:

• Be a more attentive mama. I need to put down my phone more and pay attention to my kids. Read more books and give more hugs. Listen to long stories that don’t make sense and nod along accordingly. Let my kids know I’m there for them no matter what.
• Ask for help. I’ve always had trouble asking for help from friends, family, or even my husband. With our second kid, I’m trying to ask for help when I need it, whether that’s asking a friend to watch the kids while my husband and I have some grown-up time, or asking my husband to take over the night wakings so I can catch up on my sleep in the spare room.
• Make plans, but be OK with change. I try to plan out my workouts each week, but if I’m exhausted from a tough night with the baby it’s okay to take a rest day. On the weekends, I try to plan fun things for us to do, but rather than getting annoyed when the weather/kids don’t cooperate, I want to relax and take changes as they come.

There are many more expectations I could list, but I think these three will help me give myself a break and be happier overall. What expectations do you have for yourself? Do you want to change those expectations? Let me know in the comments!