Write Your Own Story

I recently had dinner with a new friend. She just started her very first professional job after finishing her advanced degree and was in the midst of planning her wedding. She reminded me so much of myself at that same stage of life – wide-eyed, optimistic and looking forward to the future. The more we chatted, the more our conversation turned toward her upcoming wedding and all the questions family and friends have been asking her. I joked that there were even more questions to come once she was married and they mostly center around raising a family.

This conversation got me thinking about my own journey into adulthood and what path my life choices set me on. What first came to mind was that there are obvious societal norms and perceptions for women once they are in their 20s: First, find a partner, then get married and then have children close in age. In that order. Heck, there is even a children’s playground song about it:

Susie and Jimmy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.

Though we have made some progress, it sometimes feels like we are still stuck in the 1940s. My extended family is kind of old school and definitely subscribes to this norm. My parents were born of the Baby Boomer generation and I am a Gen Xer. It was never said but certainly expected of my strict parents and my Catholic upbringing that I would follow the prescribed path above. For the most part, I did, but I did it my way (cue Frank Sinatra).

Let me explain.

I am an old soul and I have an affection for tradition. However, that doesn’t mean I am a traditionalist. When it comes to conventional standards, such as this one, I am not on board. When I went off to college, I was never looking for a husband. I was focused on my education and excited at the prospect of a future career. But, a husband was what I found. We took eight years before saying “I do” instead of the prescribed 2-3 years. Children did not come along until six years into our marriage instead of the expected 1-2 years. I also did not have my children close in age. Instead, they came four-and-a-half years apart. These small shifts from the norm did not bring down society as we know it or end the world. But it sure did bring All. The. Questions.

I would often marvel at how invested people would get in my personal life, as if it had everything to do with how they would live their own lives. Each time I differed from the norms, I received unsolicited advice. At family gatherings, prior to being engaged at age 27, I was often asked when wedding bells would ring. At 33-years-old and not having had a child yet, a family friend took me aside and advised that I get pregnant before it was too late. In the grocery store checkout line, after having my first child, complete strangers would ask when I was planning on having another because they felt I needed to give my son a playmate. While I do understand that people tend to find comfort in the norm, I also know that my norm is comfortable for me. It is the result of circumstances and personal choices, choices that I would never change in a million years because it is all part of MY story.

My story is a work-in-progress.

It has highs and lows, ups and downs. My story has a voice that says, this is my life and I’m doing it my way. It has a heroine, heartbreak, sorrow, illness, loss, new beginnings and love. And, my story will have a happy ending because I choose to write it that way.

Friends, it’s your story and no one else’s. Go at your own pace. So what, if you decide not to get married? So what, if you decide to only have one child or to have ten? Do what is best for you and not what your friends, family or society thinks you should do. You too will have highs and lows, ups and downs. You will encounter dragons and slay them like a boss. You will not escape heartbreak or sorrow, none of us will, but you will come out the other end. And when you do, don’t forget to write yourself a happy ending.

What’s your story? I would love to hear it!