Romancing Your Partner – Even When You Don’t Feel Like It


On Valentine’s Day, everywhere you turn there are hearts and flowers and LOVE! Everyone is talking about date nights and visions of romance. And it’s all just so sweet and lovely. 

But what about when you don’t feel like romancing your partner?

What about all those days the rest of the year when you’re tired and busy? What about all those times when the love of your life has pushed your last button and the last thing you want to do is be all lovey-dovey?  

It happens. It does. We’ve all been there. However, there are ways to show love in the ordinary, in the every day and, yes, even in the middle of not really feeling it.  

Know Their Love Language

This may take a bit of research or planning.  You can read the book. You can even google it and take a quiz to help you figure it out.  Here’s the thing though. You need to find THEIR love language. Not what YOU think it might be. Trust me on this as I spent years frustrated when I felt like I was doing what my spouse needed and was totally missing the mark. I’ve learned my husband’s is words of affirmation. He loves being told thank you and I appreciate you.

And guess what – it costs $0. And requires very little effort. But it goes such a long way in ensuring my spouse feels valued and loved. I also understand on those very bad no good days – the last thing you might feel like doing is complimenting them. Being kind, however, always makes me feel a tiny bit better. No matter who the recipient is. So, in doing this, I’m improving the mood and the relationship of both of us. 

Do Something Small

It really is the smallest of gestures that mean the most to us, isn’t it? I’m not the best at remembering every day but as much as possible, I’ll try to make a cup of coffee for my husband when he comes home from work. He works early mornings and is home before noon. And having that cup of coffee ready and waiting when he walks in the door just makes him feel loved.  

Make Contact

Know what it is that your spouse likes and what they don’t like. This is important as well because you don’t want to annoy them when you’re just trying to be sweet. A pat on tush when walking past? A kiss on the cheek when handing them something? A hug when you know they are feeling a bit overwhelmed? A lingering look when you happen to catch them undressing? All small things that go a long way in making the heart feel loved.    

Take Care of Something They Need

I know when the kids are crazy and everyone needs to be somewhere different and you haven’t slept a full uninterrupted 8 hours in over 8 years – the thought of adding something else to your plate is the last thing you want to do. But this one truly goes a long way in helping both of you. Kind of like, doing something nice for others and they’ll do something nice for you. It’s kind of natural. If I see the trash cans are still at the curb when I come home from work, I’ll bring them back up. It’s nothing really, but one less thing for him to worry about.  My husband will always do the same for me. He’ll see the basket of laundry that’s sitting there and know I’m busy or tired and fold it for us.  

Just Do It

Yes, IT. I KNOW I KNOW! Making love may be the last thing on your radar right now. Who has time for that? Sleep is so needed. Insert a million other reasons why this is absolutely the last thing you want to be reminded of that needs done. Yes, NEEDS done. You and your partner are partners for a reason. Despite his smelly socks, you love him. Despite the fussy kids and messy kitchen, you’re in love. Sometimes, we just need to remember that. And sometimes, even when we don’t feel like it, that is exactly when we need to just do IT the most. A few moments of complete emotional reconnection could be exactly what the two of you might need. Individually and as a couple. 

Incorporating these small things in your everyday life will go a long way in romancing your partner.  Not just the week of Valentine’s Day but all year long!

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Hello! My name is Amy! I am married to my wonderful husband who works at Target! How awesome is that!?! I have three very beautiful girls. Savannah is my oldest and my artistic one. Lacie is the middle one and is my wild child with the biggest heart. Emma is littlest one who acts and thinks like an adult. I work full time managing a team of specialists at a call center. I'm completely addicted to Iced Chai Lattes and Starbucks. I love getting out and about as much as our hectic schedule allows - either exploring new places or revisiting our tried and true favorites!