I Remember Our Life Before You, My Love

I remember our life before you, my love. 

I remember the day I married your daddy and you were a mere dream… one that wouldn’t come true for several years. But we had each other, and that was enough back then. I remember those young newlyweds, and I look back on them with stars in my eyes and butterflies in my stomach. I remember our life before you, my love.

I remember the late nights and the slow mornings. The hot cups of coffee and the fancy breakfasts. The mid-day naps with the windows open. The freedom to pack a bag and take off for a long weekend without telling anyone, or needing anyone, to babysit. Our lives and our hearts were full. I remember our life before you, my love.

I remember when weekends counted. When every day wasn’t Groundhog Day. When it was finally Friday and we had all weekend to do whatever we wanted. When the most important decision we had to make was whether we were going to go out with friends or stay in and have one of our “porch parties” by ourselves. When we had drinks and danced in the (closet-sized) kitchen. I remember our life before you, my love.

I remember when we started feeling the tug on our hearts to add a baby to our miniature family of two. I remember the excitement and the thrill of “trying.” And I remember our breaking hearts over the years we thought we would never get you. I remember our lives before you, my love.

I remember the day we brought you home from the hospital and the feeling that nothing would ever be the same. We were a family of three. I remember the stars in our eyes and the butterflies our stomachs.

I remember the late nights and the slow mornings. Late nights spent pacing and rocking. Slow mornings filled with cold coffee and painful nursing sessions. Mid-day naps (for you) that I spent wondering if I should eat, shower or poop. But our lives and our hearts were full. 

I remember the first time I realized that weekends didn’t mean a thing to me anymore. Each day ran into the next. We had bags to pack, but they were to go to Nana’s for a couple of hours. And they were full of every. single. thing. we might need for the next few hours. Which was everything we owned for you.

I remember finally being able to have a glass of wine at midnight after you were down for the night and I was done pumping. I usually cried over that glass of wine. Some nights it was because I loved you so much my heart wanted to burst. And other nights it was because I was so worried I was messing up.

I remember thinking you would never be too big for me to hold. You would never be 1, 2, or 3. But now you’re going on 4. And I can’t, for the life of me, figure out where the time has gone. 

I remember worrying that you weren’t talking yet. And now, when you hug me and tell me you love me… my heart skips a thousand beats and I am reminded that you are the sole reason God put me on this earth. 

So, my love, please know that while I remember my life before you… that there is not one thing I would change about our lives now. I look back on those years and I’m so thankful for the time that your daddy and I had to learn to love each other before we had the pleasure of falling in love with you. I remember our lives before you, my love… but I can’t imagine living one single second on this earth without you.