Why We Still Talk About Our First Marriages

The other day I asked my husband what he missed eating that he used to eat when he was married the first time.

So you know the back story, my husband was married before for 18 years and I was married before for 10 years. I knew him from college, 1989, but we didn’t date until we had both been divorced for some time and all of that dust had settled. In 2007, we began dating and learning all about each other’s likes and dislikes. We married in 2010 and blended our families.

What led me to my question was thinking of fixing new things for dinner. 

I seem to get in a rut and make the same things over and over, and I tend to make what I like, so I posed the question to him. He reminisced about his Chicketti recipe and Chicken Supreme, recalling how his kids loved those meals and they were easy to make. He talked about making his ex a favorite banana dessert because she loved bananas. I further asked him what he eats now that he thought he never would. He quickly smirked and replied with asparagus, Brussels sprouts, and many other good-for-you foods. It was a nice talk about where we were and where we are now.

That is why we still talk about our first marriages. We can see who we were and who we are now.

From time to time, in quiet moments, we will talk about our first marriages and laugh about funny things that the other person was not around for. We open up about how our kids were when they were younger, and how we were as young parents, and what worked with our kids and what didn’t.

We talk about the ways we were good spouses and the ways that we really screwed up in our first marriages and how we could have handled situations differently and situations that we would have handled exactly the same.

That is why we still talk about our first marriages. We can look back and see growth in our lives as individuals and as a couple.

Just the other morning sipping coffee and talking, my husband and I shared some deep thoughts about our exes and who they are now and how all of our lives have changed.  This time was different, there was no anger or animosity about the days gone by, just love and peace about where we are now. There was gratefulness in that moment.

That is why we still talk about our first marriages. We can see how divorce changed us and how we are better.

We have two little boys together now that keep us on our toes. They know that some of their siblings have a different daddy and some have a different mommy. They know we were married to someone else before we married each other. They actually really like our exes and have a good relationship with them. We talk about our first marriages with them because our first marriages are and will always be part of who we are. The good, the bad, and the growing pains are all part of our journey.

That is why we still talk about our first marriages. Our first marriages are and will always be part of who we are.