“Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold.”
Yes, I was a Girl Scout for more years than I would like to recall. Nonetheless, I’ve always been appreciative of friends, especially the ones who feel like family. Growing up and to this day, I’ve always had a small circle of friends. I’ve never been a social butterfly, but the friends who I do have are extremely important to me and I try my best, in my sometimes awkward ways, to let them know that.
It was easier in high school because I was around my friends every day. Also, I didn’t have a lot of other personal responsibilities, other than to learn who I was as a coming-to-age adult.
For me and probably many others, college was the first real test of true friendships especially if you didn’t attend the same school as your friends from high school. Then, too, you may make new friends in college. After graduating college in 2008, I was lucky to have one great friend from high school and one from college, two friends who I am still close to today.
Upon entering the workforce, and more importantly motherhood, the people who I consider my “friends” have changed. I’ve learned that people who I thought were my friends may not be the people who I need consistently in my life for friendship.
How are we supposed to maintain our family’s schedule, a work schedule if we work, a relationship with our partner if we have one, and then add a social life on top of it? Trying to maintain even one of those successfully can be difficult within itself.
I feel it can be hard to identify who our true friends are as mothers. We have mothers who we casually make conversation with as we pick up our kids from the same sport, the mothers we see while volunteering at our kids’ school or PTO meetings, and the women, who may or may not be mothers, who we see and we may like to hang out with, but we can never find the right time to do so. What are we to do?
It’s OK to not be everyone’s best friend.
Personally, I like having a small number of friends, acquaintances or moms to be friendly to, but I would not call them best friends. Additionally, it’s OK to say “No” to people who may be reaching out to you for friendship, but you emotionally are not prepared for another social relationship. It’s hard enough raising kids, how are you supposed to keep up with your current social circle and then add another mom who you may or may not end up actually liking?
I caution this thought by emphasizing to go with your gut feeling – are you so stressed that the idea of trying to go out for a moms’ night out is too much? Then don’t do it. On the other hand, it is important to make sure as moms that we have time away from our kids, too, in moderation. I have met some great mom friends by taking chances and reaching out. These relationships are not only beneficial to you but your kids as well, especially if you and the other mom have kids around the same age.
It’s important to realize that everyone is different when it comes to their needs and wants for friends. As a mom, I find it beneficial to have close friends to continue to remind me who I am not just as a mom, but as an individual. One day our kids will be grown up, in theory, move out of our houses, and not need us as much as they need us now. With friends, they are someone we can count on, no matter what else is going on in our lives.
