I started doing something weird a few weeks ago. Every evening when my husband got home from work, I greeted him with a hug and asked him what the best part of his day was. Sounds pretty typical, right? Well, my husband was quite taken aback by this new behavior. He even jokingly asked what was wrong with me and why I had started being so nice.
You guys. There are a few things wrong here.
- I wasn’t actually doing anything that nice.
- This was considered weird behavior for me.
Giving your partner or spouse a nice greeting after a long day takes almost zero time or effort. So why haven’t I been doing it all along? I’m sure I used to… at least I think I used to… so what changed?
Kids.
While I am far from perfect, I am 100% confident in stating that I am a good mom. I love my kids so much that sometimes it actually hurts, and I always strive to put them first.
But you know what? I’m not always a good wife. Not by a long shot. In fact, most days I’d rate myself average at best.
Yes, this is the part where I could make excuses. I’m exhausted, we’re busy, work is crazy, etc. But the cold, hard truth is that I’m not devoting the time and energy I should be into being a good spouse. That’s not fair to me, my husband, our marriage, or to the family we’ve built.
These days are hectic, and undoubtedly they will only get crazier as our kids grow older and become involved in activities. While things are loud and chaotic now, I also know they won’t always be this way. Someday it will just be the two of us again, and I certainly don’t want us to be strangers who just happen to meander around the same house.
So what do I do now? I don’t have any magic answers, and I’m open to any suggestions. So far, here’s what I’ve got:
- Sneak in pockets of time. With a baby who doesn’t sleep well and a toddler who is basically nocturnal, my husband and I don’t get a lot of time for just the two of us – even at home. We have to get creative about spending time together when we can. Occasionally, we will meet during the workweek for lunch – just the two of us. While it may not be the traditional “date night,” it is still a great opportunity for some alone time.
- Talk on the phone. Every day when I’m on my way home from picking up our kids, I always call my husband, and we have a 5-10 minute phone conversation. It is short, but sometimes it’s the only few minutes we have to really talk. As soon as we both get home, the nighttime marathon of dinner, clean up, playing, bath time, and bedtime begins. A daily phone call ensures that we are still trying to prioritize our own communication.
- Get away. A nice reset and recharge for us is a night away. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive. We’ve even done this at our own home and had the kids go with the grandparents for a night. I know not everyone has this opportunity, but if you do, TAKE IT! Kid-free time is the best way to remember that we still like each other.
Listen, to put it bluntly, marriage is hard. It is a partnership that takes work, communication, mutual respect, love, and time. After a good hard look at my own relationship, I realize that I haven’t been putting the effort forth that is necessary during this season of life. So now, it’s time for me to get to work.
