The older I’ve gotten, the more aware I’ve become of the way that the opinions I heard growing up shaped my relationships with people in my family. As the youngest cousin by many years, I often blended into the background as adults around me whispered their thoughts about other relatives sitting in the next room. Like it or not, those whispered conversations unknowingly shaped the way I felt about various members of my family. I hate to admit it, but this realization did not come to me until I started my own journey into motherhood.
As a young child, it’s nearly impossible to distinguish gossip from truth. Hearing someone criticize the way a new mother is parenting their child seems logical enough to a 12-year-old until years later when that 12-year-old becomes a mother herself and realizes that back then, that criticized new mother was just doing her best.
I wish I could turn back the clock, ignore the things I heard, and work harder at fostering those familial relationships that I likely stepped back from due to the negativity I heard. While I can’t do much about what happened in my past, I’ve realized that I can do something to prevent this cycle from repeating itself.
Those little ears around us: they’re ALWAYS listening.
We’re not always going to agree with our family and friends about everything. We’re not always going to even like the decisions they might be making, but as long as they are not causing harm or distress, we need to be aware of how we speak about them in front of our kids. Maybe your sister upset you at Thanksgiving this year because she let her kids do something you’d never let your kids do… While it’s ok to express that frustration with your spouse or a trusted friend, just try to be mindful of those little ears who might be listening in. Your frustration will fade and you will likely make amends with your sister, but your kiddos just might hang onto the negative words you said, which could have a lasting impact on the future of their relationships with their family.
