Back Talking: A Guide for Parents

I’ll start by saying this may not be the guide you are thinking it to be – it’s not a “how to handle toddlers and their back talking” guide. Because I got nothing for ya there. This is for us parents for those times it may be necessary for us to back talk to those who may be an authority figure. In my examples, they are individuals in the medical field, but it could be anyone in charge.  

Two disclosures before I get started. This isn’t intended as a bashing of those in the medical field. I am so very, very thankful for all of the amazing doctors and nurses we have encountered along the way. Also, I know I said “anyone in charge,” but of course, we are to obey laws and those that enforce them.  

I was in the hospital the very first time I had an issue with a provider and my daughter. My newborn needed her hearing test, and she laid on that table and screamed for a ridiculous amount of time. Inside I was screaming, “STOP! JUST STOP.” But I was timid and thought I didn’t have a choice. Finally, the tech stopped and said she’d come back later. When she did come back, baby girl was nursing and the tech offered to just do it as we were and had a much better result. I was so new at the parenting gig and felt like I didn’t have a choice. 

Parents, you have a choice. You have a voice.  

There are two very specific examples of times in my life where I finally said enough. The first was when my daughter was getting recurring colds and was coughing A LOT. So much so that she would literally throw up. We did all the tricks – cold air, hot air, humidifier, Vicks and the list went on. Every time I called the doctor’s office, the nurse on the line would ask “Is she turning blue?” No, she wasn’t turning blue but she is having a hard time breathing from coughing so much. Their response was always, as long as she isn’t turning blue, she’s fine. Just do XYZ and she’ll be fine. I pleaded and begged – there had to be something more.

Finally, after several years of this, I called one time and the call went the same way. I said I wanted to bring her in. They said it really wasn’t necessary. She had a cold and as long as she was breathing, she was ok. I insisted. The only appointment available that day was with a new nurse practitioner. We went in and met this lovely young lady who after just a few short minutes of me explaining the issue, said she had what was called airway restrictive disease. Basically, when she gets sick her airways constrict way more than normal and she has an extra hard time getting oxygen. She gave us an inhaler and she uses it when she’s sick and she handles being sick significantly better. She doesn’t throw up anymore, thank goodness.  

The second time I “back talked” the nurses on the phone – the same child was sick again, worse than usual with a really bad cough (different than her coughs with her colds). Again they tried to tell me she didn’t need to come in. I insisted. We got there and her oxygen levels were a bit low. We did an x-ray and it turned out, she had pneumonia. When we went for the follow-up, I asked the doctor if I should just bring her in right away when she got sick like that again. She said that we should just wait a week and if the cough doesn’t go away, to bring her. I was in shock! A week? I reminded her I brought my daughter in on day two of having that cough and it was pneumonia. Did she really want me to wait a week the next time? She was a bit surprised and instead said, “Well, you know her best. If something doesn’t seem right, you can bring her in.” That reassured me – I DO know her best and need to be stronger and stand up for her when needed. 

So a couple tips for parents who have a hard time with this? 

Be strong! It may be uncomfortable or unpleasant, especially if the person talking to you makes you feel as if you are wrong. When it comes to my children, I’d rather risk being wrong than being right and doing nothing about it.   

Be prepared. If you are going to push back, be sure to know your stuff. The last thing we want to do is take up all the available doctor appointments with colds. That’s not good for anyone. 

Be nice! Kindness goes a long way even in stressful circumstances. Every person I talked to was just doing their job. I’m sure the nurses that answer the phones encounter the same call multiple times a day and every other call they are right – the child is fine. When I insisted on bringing my child in for an appointment, I was firm but nice. I didn’t back down. But I was not rude.  

I hope this helps other parents with standing up when it’s necessary. But seriously, if you have tips for back talking in toddlers, I’ll take any you have!