3 Reasons Social Media Makes Me Feel “Outmommed”

I’m all for social media. It’s fun for me! I’ve never been one of those people who makes a big Facebook announcement about how I just “need a break” and “if you need me, you know where to find me”, yadda yadda. I enjoy interacting with friends and family, reading blog posts, posting stories to Instagram, watching funny videos of cats or kids or whatever the latest meme or gif is. I get a kick out of it and genuinely enjoy it without feeling like it’s taking over my life. I know when to put my phone down and I don’t think I’m addicted to it. 

Despite the positive feelings I have toward social media for the most part, where there is light there is always darkness, as the phrase goes. 

Being a part of a large mom groups and also following the other moms individually as well, watching stories and keeping up with their lives, sometimes I find myself feeling very “outmommed”. I’m not sure if anyone else has already coined this term, so if not, I’m going to.

Here are my 3 reasons why:

Watching glimpses of other moms, their lives and the things they value can sometimes make me second guess if I give my kids “enough”. It’s easy to compare yourself to others, and it’s even easier when it’s something so relatable as mothering. Should I be spending money on that item as well? Do I not take my kids on enough trips to [insert fun place here]? Do we not take our kids out into nature enough? The list can go on and on. Am I not measuring up, not buying them enough outfits and stuff to play with, enough time away from the house? I thought I was until I just watched you and your kids having a blast at Boonshoft for the 3rd time in what seems like a month…

Being a working mom gives me a lot of guilt because I don’t see my kids nearly as much as stay at home moms do. Sometimes I can spiral into this guilt way too far and start to hate my working mom life and hate that I can’t see my babies growing up as often as the daycare gets to see it, and hate how fast the weekends go by, and hate hate hate. It leaves me, a very naturally positive person, feeling very negative. I get genuinely jealous of seeing stay at home moms on social media, posting their grocery trips with their babies or making super cute lunch plates with smiley face fruits, veggies, and sandwiches, while I’m stuck on the phone with someone mad about a damaged vehicle estimate not being high enough. I envy the extra time doing “whatever”, even though I know it’s just as demanding in its own way. 

Being on social media and involved in groups in and of itself can be intimidating as well. I try very hard to be involved, “like” and comment on things and share if I can. The truth is, I’m into doing those things to an extent, and then I just don’t feel like putting the time and energy into it anymore. That may sound bad, but it’s just me and I own that. I see a lot of other moms who are VERY interactive on social media, they have double or triple the followers I do, and it often leaves me feeling like I should strive for those things go too, if I want to be seen as a “good mom”. 

These things are a constant struggle in my mind. They leave me feeling outmommed and like I need to be doing more more more. I know I shouldn’t care about what other people think of me so much and I try to squash those thoughts for the most part when I feel them start to creep in. It’s just hard to not feel that way in the world we live in.

Everyone’s lives are on display and at our fingertips, everyone is very open about their views, opinions and what they value most in life. I have that drive to make sure my own personal parenting style, values, and ways of raising children are there for the world to see, too; but then other times I stop and think, why does it matter?

I know my worth and what I choose to share on social media in no way defines how good of a mom I am, so trying to get away from feeling outmommed is something I mentally work on almost every day and my hope is eventually, I’ll be able to banish those thoughts for good.