Transitioning to SAHM {My Unexpected but Very Real Struggle}

During the nine months that I was pregnant with my daughter, I prepared for ALL the things. I made a seven-page outline for my baby registry (I’m not kidding, you can borrow it if you want!). I also thought that I had prepared for life after she was born. I made freezer meals. I took the breastfeeding classes. The nursery was done. Check, check, and check.

But one thing that I was extremely ill-prepared for was becoming a stay at home mom. My husband and I knew that this was what we wanted for our family well before we were finally able to conceive. I’ve worked at least one job since the day I turned 15. So the idea of “not working” had me all googley eyed. Finally no more 5:30am wake ups (oh, the naivety.) I honestly never, for one moment, thought that the transition to becoming a SAHM would be a difficult one. I was about to get a big wake up call. Literally.

First of all, let’s talk about the complete lack of a routine/schedule in those early days. 

Gone were the days of jumping out of bed and into the shower, scarfing down a quick breakfast, and heading out to work…all before the sun was up. My new life looked a LOT different. There were a lot fewer showers for one thing. My husband is gone about half the month on average, which made the days slow to a crawl. My new life was sitting in the house alone with a newborn. She was born in high flu season so there was no getting out with her until she was about two months old. My new life was not knowing what day it was without consulting a calendar. The luster of “not working” was starting to wear off. 

My new life was becoming riddled with anxiety.

Being a new mom, having a husband who was only home half the month, and literally sleeping with one eye open in fear that my house was going to burn down (or someone would break in, or the baby would stop breathing, or…or…or) started really taking a toll on me. I never had any kind of long-term anxiety or depression before and it took me about 4 months to figure out what was going on. After talking with my doctor, I started taking something for the anxiety and suddenly my life became a lot more manageable. 

Being home all day while everyone else is at work is just weird. 

I felt like I was the only person in the whole world who was not at work. After 17 years of working full time, it was just SO bizarre for me.  It was also the dead of winter, which means the neighborhood was pretty buttoned up. Even if I did go outside on a mild day, I would still be lucky to see one other person out in my small neighborhood. It was so isolating. Some days felt like torture. A lot of days felt like they would never end. I just kept thinking “this isn’t what I signed up for.”

Learning to own my new title. 

I was used to having letters after my name, but they weren’t S.A.H.M. I had to adjust to answering the question, “What do you do?” without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. I was one of the only stay at home moms that I knew. All of my friends worked and I felt less than, now that I wasn’t working outside of the home. I didn’t want to complain to my mom friends who had to work (but wish they didn’t) and sound like I was ungrateful for my opportunity to stay home. I had to get comfortable with confidently looking at people in the eye and saying, “I’m a stay at home mom.” Which, if you would have asked me before becoming one, I would have not considered being such a challenge. And unfortunately, I have still had to overcome the stigma that I sit at home and eat Bon-Bons all day. I don’t even know what a dang Bon Bon is, ya’ll. And I usually don’t even sit down until my toddler is in bed. Of course, you still have those people that need to make the joke, anyway. Hardy har har. 

Almost 3 years later and I can say that things have changed tremendously. I found my mom confidence. I made new friends (I kept my old ones, don’t worry!) and I got us on a schedule. It all took time and I still want to crawl in a hole when I think about those early days. My hope is that a new SAHM mom somewhere will read these words and know that she’s not alone and that better days are ahead.