Her Name is Kate

5

Her name is Kate. She is the mother of my son. She is an addict. She changed who I am.

Pursuing adoption is not an easy adventure. Our adventure began with a woman named Kate, addicted to heroin, homeless and pregnant. She was faced with the decision to choose adoption for her child or have her child placed with children protective services. Having three other children already, being raised by her mother, she chose a private adoption.

I met Kate in the foyer of the hospital; she was high. I hugged her and as we rode the elevator upstairs, we made small talk. She was nervous and so were my husband and I. We entered a small room with our attorney and Kate went to get her son. As we waited, we grew more anxious. Then she entered with a little bundle in her arms. She handed him to me, and said, “Here is your Mommy.” I wept, uncontrollably.

At that very moment, Kate changed me.

The weeks and months following that first meeting were a whirlwind. Kate, continuing her drug addiction, and our home with a drug-addicted baby. Nights were met with anxiety as we rode out the tremors and withdrawal. Nights were also met with an uncertainty of where Kate was and if she was alive. Anger came over me as I saw this little boy hurting and struggling to rid his body of these awful chemicals that his mother had put in him.

Then the call came. The “I’m so sorry” call, I’m sorry he is so sick and I know I did that to him. The I want to get healthy and change call. And the anger subsided. A new adventure began. Jail, the death of her lover and father to our son and rehab set her on the path – the path that has led her to the present.

Her name is Kate. She is the mother of my son. She is sober. She changed who I am.

With over three years of sobriety, Kate is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come. She is sober, working full-time at a new job, about to move into a home that she plans to purchase. She will live there with her other 3 children who she has regained custody of. She has been on the news talking about addiction and loves to share her story of addiction and sobriety.

Together we share a son. Our son calls me Momma and her Mommy Kate. He knows he is adopted and that he grew in Mommy Kate’s tummy, but Mommy Kate was sick and she let Daddy and I raise him. He knows Mommy Kate is healthy now, and he knows that she loves him. We share special times together, texts and phone calls, holidays and birthdays.

When we decided to adopt, I never expected a Kate. I thought our adventure would be about a baby. But Kate changed me. She changed the way I see addiction. She changed the way I see sobriety. She changed the way I view people and their struggles. She changed the way I see victories. She changed me, by giving me a little boy to love who calls me Momma.

Her name is Kate. She is the mother of my son. She is family.

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Hey local mommas! I grew up in Centerville, but I now live in Wilmington with my husband Tony. Together we have 6 kids, Joe, and his wife Allison, Austin, and his wife Hannah, Sydney and her husband Hayden, Andrew and his sweet fiance, Lauren and Max and Eli. Did I mention we are a little nuts starting over with this parenting thing when we are 45+???? My husband and I are both ministers , he is a youth minister and I'm a children's minister and we get to work at the same church. We were both married before and brought our families together in 2010. After a few years of marriage we felt God's leading for us to adopt. We added Max to our family in 2014 and Eli joined us in 2017, our quiver is officially full! Blending our family has been an adventure! Add some ex-spouses and two birth mommas and we have ourselves a crazy crew! Coffee is my love language, I just finished binge watching The Crown and feel a bit fancy now. The beach is my happy place and I long to have my toes in the sand. I love being part of the team at Dayton Mom Collective.

5 COMMENTS

  1. “She handed him to me, and said, ‘Here is your Mommy.'” – That gave me chills. What an incredible story.

  2. I too got chills reading this. I am amazed by your grace and forgiveness and the understanding you gave to your child’s birth mother.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story, and Kate for sharing hers. Our open adoption journey has many similarities with yours, with our son’s “Momma ****” being over one year sober now. Everything about about it and her has changed me, and she is indeed family. 💜

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