I failed, & I am so Thankful I Did


I was checking out at a local superstore, and my eye caught People magazine. The July 6, 2009 Issue. I happened to glance and saw the words, “I feel like I failed.”  This stirred an emotion in me that I had not felt for many years, and right there, in the check out line, I started to weep.

I quickly wiped my eyes, and continued through the check out line and made it to my car. I cried uncontrollably. I too had felt like I failed.

The People magazine cover had a picture of Kate Gosselin on it. She had failed at her marriage. I didn’t know the details of her marriage, or where they were with things, or even much about her at all. I knew she had lots of children and had a reality TV show. I didn’t need to know any details…..because I knew how she felt. My heart hurt for hers.

I failed at a marriage. I was married for 10 years. I had two beautiful boys. December of 2003, I was divorced. I had failed at my marriage. 

I wish I could pass the blame and write that every last thing that caused my marriage to fail was HIS fault. But the truth is there are things that I could have done better. There are things that I did that were awful and things that I did that hurt him. I helped create a marriage and fail at marriage that affected my children, and have hurt them in the process. I own those and they are my failures. 

I failed, but I didn’t stay a failure. I decided that I was going to grow and become a better me. I was going to face those failures and try to do better. Once you know better you do better. This was a painful process, and it took years.  My motto during those years was:

Let this failed marriage refine you, not define you.

It’s now 14 years later and I am so thankful I failed. In those failures I learned. I learned how to speak kinder. I learned how to express my feelings in a healthy way. I learned that counseling is so very valuable. I learned that men can’t read our minds and we have to communicate. I learned that I need to show grace to others and accept grace myself. I learned that failure leads to good things and change and growth. I am not the same woman I was when I got married and I am not the same woman I was in 2003 when I got divorced. I am so glad I failed, because it made me better.

Failure does not have to define us, rather refine us. Refine us into something more amazing than we could ever have imagined. 

I am now remarried and have been for almost 7 years. I tell my husband that I am doing this “marriage gig” so much better than last time, he just smirks and laughs and mumbles…”this is better?” The truth is I am still learning, and still growing and learning some more. I am thankful for my failure, because it made me who I am today.

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Hey local mommas! I grew up in Centerville, but I now live in Wilmington with my husband Tony. Together we have 6 kids, Joe, and his wife Allison, Austin, and his wife Hannah, Sydney and her husband Hayden, Andrew and his wife Lauren and our littles, Max and Eli. Did I mention we are a little nuts starting over with this parenting thing when we are 45+? We are officially adding new titles to our names in 2022- Tiki and Jeep (our version of Grandma and Grandpa). My husband and I are both ministers, and we get to work together in a local church. We were both married before and brought our families together in 2010. After a few years of marriage we felt God's leading for us to adopt. We added Max to our family in 2014 and Eli joined us in 2017, our quiver is officially full! Blending our family has been an adventure! Add some ex-spouses and two birth mommas and we have ourselves a crazy crew! Coffee is my love language. The beach is my happy place and I long to have my toes in the sand. I love being part of the team at Dayton Mom Collective.