6 Steps on how to “Be Enough”

I’ll let you in on a little secret…unless you are a sociopath, at some point in our lives for one reason or another we all believe we are not enough.

As a life coach I hear it often, “something must be wrong with me.” When we feel insecure we start to believe everyone else has it all figured out and we just are not as worthy or deserving as them. We worry we will fail, we will be found out, others will discover we aren’t perfect or smart enough or thin enough or whatever. It goes on and on….

It is problematic when it causes us to get stuck, when it keeps us from taking risks and challenging ourselves, when it holds us back from living the life of our dreams.

As women and moms this is particularly true because we tend to take care of others more than ourselves.

Take parenting for instance. There is no manual. We are sent home from the hospital with a bundle of newborn delightfulness only to quickly realize we have no clue whatsoever what we are doing. Heck, I received more instructions on how to care for my new puppy than I did for my new son. We are tired; we are thrown out of our comfort zone. Some of us take to it like a fish to water and others struggle a little more. All completely normal!

It’s when we begin telling ourselves we aren’t good enough that problems arise. We aren’t like the other moms. We don’t have it all together. We internalize it as a personal character flaw. We aren’t enough.

We hide behind our “I’m not good enough” beliefs in many other scenarios too. We compare and despair. From parenting styles, to careers, to the way we keep house and dress our children.

Some of us overcompensate by acting as know-it-alls, refusing to accept help or advice but dishing it out completely unsolicited. Some of us eat to compensate for feeling inferior, we pack on pounds to protect our vulnerable self from being seen. Others camp out in cubicles when we actually deserve promotions. We hold back, we hide. We become afraid to take risks. We settle for less than we deserve. Because we don’t think we are enough.

I am here to tell you if you ever feel inadequate, and think you aren’t enough, you are absolutely not alone. It is human nature, we all experience this.

Oscar winning actors worry they will be “found out”. That people will discover they are talentless and only lucked into great roles. Best-selling, beloved authors are terrified of what critics will say. The thing is, these people still went for it, regardless of what might happen.

Telling ourselves we aren’t enough is the mind’s way to keep us from doing something we are afraid to do. It keeps us safe, tucked away from living an extraordinary life. It’s our own inner critic saying, “I don’t deserve this”, “I shouldn’t have this”, “I’m not worthy”. It’s FEAR.

It shows up when we stay in loveless relationships because we don’t believe we are worthy of more. When we don’t throw our hat in the ring for a promotion because we don’t think we can measure up, we might fail. When we eat more ice cream to drown our misery about not being able to stick to the diet and berating ourselves because we failed yet again. Because we just aren’t good enough.

So what are we to do?

Step one – Notice when you hesitate from going after something you want, when you make excuses for not taking action or when you beat yourself up – you are likely in an “I’m not enough story.”

Step two – Recognize the story and acknowledge it. Give the story a name. This is my “I’m keeping myself safe by staying in this same old job even though I want more” story.

Step three – Identify what are you avoiding by staying in the story. What are you afraid of? In the “same old job” story example, perhaps you complain everyday about your job but do nothing about it. You manage to avoid feelings of inadequacy and potential failure by focusing on the boss’s management style, company performance, and gossip. You stay safe by hiding in your current role when deep down you know you want more but the possibility of rejection or failure scare you into staying put.

Step four – Realize that this thing that you are avoiding is exactly the thing you should be doing. The thing you think you aren’t good enough to do? Not worthy of? It’s speaking to you, it’s something that needs your attention. What baby steps can you take to make it more manageable? If you are interested in a job change, perhaps you can begin by updating your resume. Start listing out all of your accomplishments. Or find a mentor, someone who has been there who can give you great advice.

Step five – Relax and breathe. Remember this is just a story you are telling yourself. Acknowledge it and set it aside. Your mind is tricky, tell it you know this is your story and its okay! You don’t have to stay stuck in it once you bring awareness to it.

Step six – Go and do the thing you have been hiding from. You might surprise yourself at what you can accomplish when you know… you are enough!

Say it with me, I AM ENOUGH! We want to share with other moms our experiences where we found out “We were enough,” and we want to help YOU if you are feeling that you are not!

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