My twin daughters had been asking for months if the Tooth Fairy was real but it never seemed like the right time to share the news. How is anyone prepared to tell the truth about something that brings so much joy to children?
I don’t really remember having “the talk” given to me when I was younger, but I do remember the pressure I felt to keep the secret to myself. I had a younger sister and understood that if I told her the truth then I would be in significant trouble.
For my kids, though, I knew I wanted to have one talk and lay it all out there telling them the truth about “the big three” (Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa).
I didn’t want it near one of the holidays and had no intention of telling them the day that it actually happened.
My one daughter lost a tooth on a random summer afternoon. Shortly after I told her to go put it under her pillow, she asked, “But is the Tooth Fairy real?” I told her to go upstairs, get her twin sister, and instructed their little brother to stay where he was while I spoke with the girls.
My husband and I spoke delicately about the truth but immediately, they were sad. Throughout the rest of the day, I saw my girls go through stages of grief.
Denial
“I didn’t think you’d say it wasn’t true!” one of the twins told me. When speaking with the girls, we told them that nothing would change because they knew the truth. We shared how each idea was based upon a real person or historical fact (did you know the Tooth Fairy is based upon a Norse tradition?) We also told the girls how excited we were that they could now help us keep the spirit of these ideas alive, not only with their little brother but also with family and friends.
Anger
My one daughter said it felt like I ripped her heart in half. Ouch. We gave the girls some space after we finished the conversation. Before going back to my work for the day, I reminded them how much they were loved and they could talk to us when they were ready.
Depression
They were upset. I occasionally would go upstairs to check on them but neither was ready to talk yet. So I continued to give them their space.
Acceptance
About an hour after the talk, both girls came up to me individually. The one apologized for expressing her anger at me and the other had a few follow-up questions. I offered the girls a bowl of ice cream and we chatted a little more about it. No more tears and an open and honest conversation they felt ready to have.
This was not how I envisioned this talk going but you can’t go back in time. I reminded my girls that I would rather them have learned all this from me rather than from a kid at school (to which one daughter told me a student in her grade last year already shared the truth with the class). I also know of parents who never have this talk and that’s OK.
Before revealing the truth, if you choose to do so, gauge what your child is feeling. My daughters had been asking for months about the Tooth Fairy and that’s what led to our decision to talk to them about it. Every parenting journey is different and you need to base talks like this off of your values and what you believe is best for your child or children.
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