As I write this post, I am the parent of an almost-kindergartener and an almost-2-year-old. In fact, my son will turn 2 on the same day my daughter will start school, and all these milestones are making me feel a lot of things.
I am proud of my kiddos – Rose for her love of learning and Liam for the words he picks up every day. But I am also so sad that they are suddenly so big.
I feel like I’m in the midst of a mid-life (or should that be a kid-life) crisis that is made all the more depressing by COVID-19.
To add to my anxiety about my babies being so big and grown-up all of a sudden, I am in mourning for what Rose’s first-ever school experience should have been like. In an ideal world, I would have gotten her onto the bus and waved at her as it drove away, wiping away a tear that my firstborn is now a school-age kid. But instead, I will pack her off to daycare as usual with an iPad, headphones, Zoom and Google Classroom passwords, and her school books all stuffed into her Frozen 2 backpack. She won’t know what she is missing because she has never been to school before, but I am so sad that I won’t get to have that experience with her.
And on the whole subject of how COVID-19 is wreaking havoc on our lives, Liam won’t be having a party for his second birthday. Just like Rose with school, he won’t know what he is missing – he doesn’t even know what a birthday is. But I will miss having our close friends and family over to celebrate my big boy, as we did with his sister on her second birthday.
But I am a mom, which means I need to find a way to get through my COVID-19 kid-life crisis and make the best of things.
And so today, I picked myself up from my work-from-home desk, put on pants, and went for a walk in the sunshine. I came back after an hour not having any answers, but at least feeling better in myself from a change of scenery. This weekend, I will get Rose’s bag ready for her first day of kindergarten and make it as special for her as possible. And I will pick up some cupcakes for Liam’s birthday (I am definitely not a baking mom) so we can celebrate our little man with a family party. And I hope that once these milestones have passed, so will the heaviness in my heart.
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