I was having a rare no-kid lunch out with a friend recently. Her son is about a year younger than my son and I enjoy when we can meet up – with or without the kids. We chatted about the highs, the lows, and everything in-between that our boys are doing on a daily basis. She has an infant, so we reflected on the lack of sleep having a new baby brings. Out of natural habit, I told her it gets better.
I took a mental step back after saying those words – something that I’ve said dozens of times before.
I corrected myself and said, “No, it gets different.”
Each stage kids go through brings its own pros and cons. I don’t feel like one stage is better than the other.
Do you love the new baby stage, the new baby “smell” and their innocence? Do you love the toddler stage, where the child still has many baby qualities but is a little more self-sufficient? Or how about the young child to teenager stages – day by day not needing you as much but they still know that they can come to you with any achievement or ailment?
I don’t love any stage, and I’m OK with that.
Have I gotten more sleep as my kids got older? Sure, in theory. But there are always the nights where my kids have gotten up because of a bad dream, they’re thirsty, or because the night light was too bright (true story). My sleep schedule is different now, not better. Even my best intentions to go to sleep after I put the kids to bed can be all-for-nothing any given night because I don’t know what will happen with the kids overnight.
It’s great when my kids can tell me what’s wrong with them, like that they’re hungry, too hot or too cold, etc… It is definitely easier to have them directly tell me what their issue is versus a baby who has to scream because they can’t communicate in the same way.
You know what’s not better? Having that same older child talk back to you because they think they are in charge. There are days I wish for my twins to be back in their babbling stage because at least then they weren’t giving me attitude or screaming my personal favorite, “You’re the worst Mom ever!”
Those are the same kids, though, who when I’m tucking them in bed for the night, will say, “I love you, Mommy.”
There is no perfect stage in my opinion.
Having twins and then my son four years later has brought this into perspective for me. I remember some of the good, and bad, my girls experienced with each stage so far. It’s nice knowing I have some idea of what to expect from my son during those same ages, however, also keeping in mind that every child is different.
It’s also making me understand that I can’t stay focused on whatever stage my child is currently in. Even when I think I have things figured out, the kids find a way to throw me a curveball.
In the end, that’s what I feel motherhood is all about – making it to the next stage of our child’s life, hoping to bring the good qualities with us on the journey and do our best to leave the bad behind. I have my fictitious bag all packed with nothing to prepare me for whatever the next stage is for my kids, except an unconditional love for them all and an open mind knowing that whatever stage my child is going through, the next one won’t be better, but different.
